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Diary of a Fantasy Gaffer: Welcome to Wearside, Mesut

No other player could send us searching for the umlaut quite like wee Uh-Zhil.

SO, WE NEED to talk about this Uh-zhil fella.

I can’t find the button that makes the funny dots appear on the O in Ozil, so phonetic spelling is the way forward for this German god of football.

Don’t be fooled by his dinner-plate eyes or his funny looking earrings, Mesut will be an absolute nightmare to play against in the Premier League. He’s not exactly going toughen Arsenal up, but he gives them a much, much sharper edge in the final third.

That said, we’ve gone all Arsene Wenger (2012 edition). We just can’t bring ourselves – not yet, anyway  - to tear up the gameplan and splash £10 million on a guy who’s first Premier League task is a long trip to Sunderland – nobody wants that.

We love Özil (hey, there it is), so this is a decision we make with a heavy heart. And hearing David Silva being ruled out by no means eased our pain.

I’ve pulled myself together now, though. Back on the horse, back looking for fish in the sea. All that stuff. After a week of international football drudgery, like Johnny Giles we’re ready to enjoy the game again.  How could we not? Tomorrow will be jam-packed with eight Premier League games.

I’ve decided to keep Silva in reserve, he’ll hopefully be fit for the Manchester derby next Sunday, so the one minor tweak to TheScore Machine team is the addition of  Robbie Brady in place of Wayne Routledge.

Another international break?

Swansea are up against the (even tighter than me) Liverpool defence, while Brady and Hull are at home to fellow likely strugglers, Crystal Palace. A quick look ahead for the Tigers shows a decent little run of games where points can be picked up – Newcastle, West Ham and Villa – before they head away to Everton and Spurs after the international break.

Without Silva, my team is a little reliant on the big front three this weekend, but a little faith in young Brady can go a long way.

It’s kinda like he’s our little Uh-Zhil… the boy Röbbie Brädy.

Auf Wiedersehen, Fantasy Footballers.

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4 Comments
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    Mute David O'Sullivan
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    Aug 18th 2013, 9:48 AM

    Eric Cantona has to be on that list surely?!

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    Mute Keith
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    Aug 18th 2013, 12:19 PM

    Everyone of them had a good reason to retire. Mortimers one was his ego

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    Mute Thomas Blake
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    Aug 18th 2013, 10:40 AM

    Former Ipswich Town goalkeeper Shane Supple retired at the age of 22. He said at the time he had fallen out of love with the game.

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    Mute Steve
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    Aug 18th 2013, 1:07 PM

    Conor Mortimer’s retirement shocking? Nothing shocking about what a guy with such a big ego could do. He had often thrown his toys out of his pram before that. James Horan was delighted to see him go and played a part in it and Mayo have been better off since. I don’t think there was any phone call to him to try persuade him to change his mind. Mortimer was not that liked by his fellow county players and didn’t get on great with his fellow students in DCU. Most thought he was a sh1te

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    Mute Matt Dobson
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    Aug 18th 2013, 12:07 PM

    Conor Mortimer between Magic Johnson and Jordan !!

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    Mute Conor Curtis
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    Aug 18th 2013, 12:48 PM

    Muamba was hardly going to keep playing

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    Mute Eoin Mackey
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    Aug 18th 2013, 11:15 AM

    To those who plead “Oh but what about this guy and that guy, Cantona and Bjorg?!”
    The headline says 6 shocking retirements, not ALL shocking retirements so chill out.

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    Mute Gavin Doyle
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    Aug 19th 2013, 12:44 AM

    Cantona was

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    Mute John Miller
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    Aug 18th 2013, 10:41 AM

    What about Bjorn Borg.

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    Mute Seán Langton
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    Aug 18th 2013, 3:28 PM

    Get Conor Mortimer out of this list.

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    Mute Aidan Lennon
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    Aug 18th 2013, 5:57 PM

    Magic Johnson retired in November 1991 but was in the USA “Dream Team” for the 92 Olympics so it wasn’t much of a retirement

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    Luke
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    Mute Luke
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    Aug 19th 2013, 10:44 AM

    Martina Hingis retired at 23 to pursue a “media” career, only to be banned for cocaine abuse a few years later after a return to the sport.

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    Mute Gavin Doyle
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    Aug 19th 2013, 12:44 AM

    Alan Hansen could have played on

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