CHRIS CUSITER HAS announced his retirement from rugby at the age of 33.
The Scottish scrum-half is bringing his playing career to an end in order to set up an alcohol retail business in Los Angeles, focusing on scotch whisky.
Cusiter, who was capped 70 times by Scotland, was part of the British & Irish Lions squad that toured New Zealand in 2005.
Having represented Glasgow Warriors, Border Reivers and Perpignan, Cusiter joined Sale Sharks in 2014 but his playing time has been limited this season due to the excellent form of Peter Stringer.
“This is the right time to hang up my boots and move on to the next challenge,” said Cusiter in a statement released by Sale Sharks.
“Playing for Scotland 70 times was more than I could have dreamed of growing up, learning how to play rugby at Robert Gordon’s College in Aberdeen.
“The memories of playing for Scotland and touring New Zealand with the British and Irish Lions will be with me forever, and I am grateful for all the incredible experiences I have been afforded through rugby.”
Cusiter added: “I’ve been fascinated by the scotch whisky industry for the past few years and firmly believe that it is Scotland’s finest and greatest export and something to be very proud of.”
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The Roy Keane.
Someone who hasn’t grasped the idea that 5 aside football is normally just for a bit of craic with mates midweek and there are no medals handed out at the end but plays and shouts like it’s the champions league final and is still fuming and talking about it 3 days later.
The Gaelic Footballer.
Doesn’t get the idea of a one-two, thinks short passing is a waste of time and likes belting the ball as hard as he can up the other end of the pitch. Never lets you out of the corner; in fact runs full belt at you and tries to kill you. Loves to drop the shoulder, especially when challenging for the ball near the side wall. Short shorts, big arse, hugely enthusiastic, often whoops, but never gets asked back again.
Classic
Also will never pass the ball backwards.
The better brother of a guy who made it professionaly. The only reason this guy didn’t was because of the drink. ‘Could have played with Celtic’. Slaughters you for 10 minutes then has a coronary for 50 minutes.
The Pro….
Struts onto the turf with the newest gear out, under armour and hairband, first touch of a donkey but counts every goal scored week in week out (I’ve 30 goals in astro this season) and to top it off asks around after the game does anybody know of a good physio cuz he’s feeling a bit tight in the groin….
Eh, what’s up with the dates on people’s comments – they’re all over the shop!?
The sub…
Usually one of the lads sons who come along to get him outta the house so the mother can catch up on Corrie. He’s probably around 12-14 years old. He’ll go in goals so “no hard shots lads, sure he’s only a chap!’ Which is a distinct advantage. He’ll turn out to be amazing and no matter how hard you hit it, he’ll dive full length, collecting the ball in mid flight, a few somersaults and rolls and he’s off up the pitch, nutmegging and steps overs to bate tha band before sticking it in the top corner. As he walks back up the pitch, he’s given a little reminder of what age group of lads he’s actually playing with and someone decides to ‘soften his cough’ by ‘puttin a pup in him’ which ultimately results in a screaming kid rolling around all ‘ronaldo-esque’ with a shoving match between his dad and the offending individual. But all is settled with a few pints in the local with the young lad sippin a lemonade and chompin on a packet o’ Tatyo texting his mates with indecipherable gobbledegook about the dinosaurs he’s destroyed earlier….!
The john terry… He’s around shagging your missus while your not at home
The peter bonetti…..The keeper who is like a cat in 5 a side goals… But gets caught out on the big pitch!
The Heart – possesses all the drive, will and spirit a manager could ever ask of a player. Shows up every week and runs himself into the ground but ultimately has two left shins
Also known as the Zinedine Kilbane. Which would make it 2 right shins.
The Deer
Happy out chasing fellas and the ball. Gets caught in the headlights upon receiving said ball
The Hub
This is the guy who believes that the only good pass is a pass to him – generally loud and persistent.
The had trials ……
The muppet who was been chased by utd and Liverpool as a kid but wanted to do his leaving first! Turns out to be crap and then blames pitch,ball,lighting,his team,his footwear,drink from last night,injury……..
He wouldve made it if it wasnt for the drink…….
Forgot the dreaded “toy boy”. Shows up in the full Real Madrid kit with sparkling new green Astro boots wearing a head bank and gold cross around his neck. Cries off injured after 5 mins as everyone realises he’s awful.
For whatever reason somebody has pulled out due to “work”, always the same person, and the only replacement is another players son or nephew. The next 60 minutes involve getting nutmegged repeatedly and chasing his shadow.
The Rainman – really sweaty guy, with wet marks on chest, armpits, groin after 20secs of play. Spray of water in his wake and if you make any contact with, you may actually drown. Drinks out of everyone’s bottles and is a consistent back washer!! In a nutshell, wet!!
Nothing else happened except my goal… You’ve hammered him 17 3 but he’s scored a good goal… Maybe the best goal of the game but he’s otherwise been abysmal…. He ruffles your keepers head as you leave and tells him… Ha you won’t forget that one in a hurry…. You meet him in a boozer five nights later and he makes you lose the will to live jabbering on about it
“he takes a first touch that’s heavier than a black hole” – you my friend need to get a script writing role for Jim Beglin! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKw3EO3xpQc (1.22, in the best video ever produced by RTE)
The sweaty guy. Starts pumpin after 5 mins. Or the football cogs guy. Catches ure ankle with a stud and just says ‘oh sorry, you alrite ?’ As he jogs on.
The Heather Mills. Can only pass/shoot with one foot which makes him as easy to read, can also be called the Roald Dahl.