THE BEST GOSSIP speculators are surely the ones that hang around fancy houses with ‘For Sale’ signs on them and wait for the latest and brightest footballing talents to arrive with their chequebooks and measuring tape.

It is not such an exact science here, on an island populated by Airtricity League footballers – many of whom are our polite and conscientious next-door neighbours.

However, with mega millions sloshing around in Premier League England, the stately home is just the place to find a want-away footballer.

GOING??

Today’s house-hunter appears to be Dutchman, and crisp vollyer of footballs, Robin van Persie. According to the Daily Star, the Gunners captain has been spotted in Chesire checking out the dimensions and parking facilities of expensive pads. With the Arsenal man refusing to sign a contract extension to stay beyond 2013 with the London club, a house in Chesire could be perfect. Especially if Manchester United or City stump up the cash to secure his playing services.

Andre Villas Boas took time out from blasting Chelsea and Roman Abramovich on Saturday to tell Rafael van der Vaart that he is a loved man. AVB declared that he is ‘absolutely counting on’ the Dutch midfielder to stick around and hunt for a Champions League spot.

With a £7m release clause in his contract and an impressive season at St James’ Park, one would have assumed that Demba Ba’s name would have generated many a transfer speculating headline. That has not been the case, so far, and his coach, Alan Pardew, has expressed his satisfaction in the eerie silence. For his part, Ba commented:

People talk, but what I can say is that none of the teams that have been talked about have approached me. I’m still a Newcastle United player.

GOING?

Another player that has been untroubled by whispers and murmurs this summer has been Porto striker Hulk. The Brazilian would cost potential suitors, including Chelsea and AC Milan, £25m and has four years remaining on his contract. Porto president president Pinto da Costa told local media outlet RTP:

What is certain and can’t be denied is that so far there have been no offers for Hulk. There have been talks regarding other players, but not those mentioned in the papers.”

For the past two seasons it has been apparent that Manchester United need a new left back. Clubs in the Premier and Champions League target Patrice Evra with a frequency similar to forays down the right wing when Ian Harte was last in the Irish jersey.

Heir to Evra? Baines may cost United £15m. (Stephen Pond/EMPICS Sport)

Alex Ferguson has claimed that there will be ‘one or two’ signings before the season kicks off and Leighton Baines looks likely to come in. United want to offer Everton £10m but the Toffees are holding out for £15m. Expect a £12m deal to be struck.

GONE!

So who has inked contracts on this momentous (Cavan versus Kildare in the All-Ireland qualifiers, Tour de France Stage 14, Scottish Open finale) day?

Goalkeeper Martin Fulop has left West Brom and signed up with Greek side Astera Tripolis. Fulop declared that his new side have ‘a sound economic background’ – can’t wait for the video of that press conference to land.

Reading have agreed terms with Watford’s Adrian Mariappa and will finalise the deal on Monday if the defender passes a medical.

Ferdinand in hot water after appearing to back Cole ‘chock ice’ insult

Here’s the jerseys for every Premier League club this season