STEFAN OKUNBOR GREW up in Tralee in Kerry.
He was born in Moldova and moved to Ireland when he was young with his family – his father Mike, who is from Nigeria, his mother Lidia, who is from Moldova, and his sister Iren.
Stefan represented Kerry in Gaelic football in the underage ranks. He enjoyed great success, winning an All-Ireland minor medal in 2016 in Croke Park and won the award for the best U20 footballer in Munster in 2018.
In October of that year he went down a different sporting path when he moved to Australia and joined AFL club Geelong.
Somewhere in that pack is Stefan Okunbor celebrating his birthday and first career goal 🎂#StandProud #WeAreGeelong pic.twitter.com/aN86a3z7Q5
— Geelong Cats (@GeelongCats) August 12, 2019
The 21-year-old is currently recovering from a serious Achilles injury sustained in January.
He writes today for The42 about his experiences of racism when growing up in Ireland.
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GIVEN THE CURRENT circumstances in America and the recognition that the topic of prejudice and racism is getting worldwide, I feel like this is a good time to share some of my experiences of growing up black in Ireland.
It has always been an uncomfortable topic to converse about with my peers because the majority of them are white and Irish.
Although they would listen, be supportive and respectful, they simply could not understand the profound effect that some of the derogative insults that I have received, have had on my life.
Although racist incidents seldom happened to me whilst growing up in Ireland, on the occasions that they did, they stuck.
A constant reminder that I was a minority.
This piece is to outline the issue of racism that unfortunately is very much active on Irish soil. My black friends share similar experiences, my father has also been a victim which hurts me to say and I too have experienced racism on and off the football field.
Recognising the issue and sharing posts on social media that talk about equality between races is a step forward.
But if it is merely seen as a box ticked by jumping on the activist bandwagon in fear of being labelled a racist if you don’t, it means nothing.
I love Ireland. It is home. I moved to Ireland when I was three years of age and I have been extremely fortunate to have been able to grow up as a proud black Irish man. A few of my friends may read this and will be shocked because I have always shied away from speaking out about any racial incidents I’ve experienced. In the past I found it extremely difficult making my colleagues, who respect you, aware of incidents where I have been belittled and made feel miniscule.
The first racial incident occurred at my first job in Tralee. I worked there during my gap year before starting college. It was the same year I played minor for Kerry. At the ripe age of 17 is when I first deeply questioned people’s views on a black man’s place in Irish society after being called a ‘black bastard’ by another elderly worker who later claimed in a meeting with management that it was just ‘friendly banter’.
I have never taken part in this type of racist banter at my expense with anyone and I definitely did not condone it. Subsequently, he was not fired but given a warning instead. It made me wonder if this is what being out of the relatively safe walls of a secondary school system felt like. The real world. Is this how all old Irish men act towards black people?
My parents were aware of the incident at the time but I wouldn’t have dared to share it with my team-mates on the Kerry minor panel, a place where I and everyone who put the Kerry jersey on was respected for who they were.
At the age of six my footballing career started at the Na Gaeil club as an effort by my mother to integrate me into the Irish culture and society as Gaelic football is extremely family and community oriented. I instantly fell in love with the game and have made lifelong friends along the way. Football is ingrained in Irish culture and I always felt that I was doing my bit to support that by playing.
The next two incidents of racial abuse towards me really hit home as they were both on the football field. Both incidents happened in my final year of football before making the transition over to Australia to play AFL. Whilst I was taking a shot against a team which I won’t name out of respect, an opposing player began to make monkey noises.
I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. My team-mates who were nearby and heard him scruffed him up as I stayed clear. I didn’t want anything to do with it. I wanted to block it out of my life and hoped I didn’t have to endure the embarrassment ever again.
I was fortunate to have team-mates who I’ve played alongside since the age of six stick up for me, and to have a manager who dealt with everything after the game while understanding my desire to steer clear from the situation. The opposing player was given an eight-week ban and missed the remainder of the season. For once I felt justice had been served.
The third incident was more shocking than anything as I had played with this player on a different team. It was a very tense game but I never anticipated it would get this heated. There was a moment during the game in which bodies were clashing with ten or so players involved. I engaged with this particular player only for him to turn around and yell out something all too familiar, ‘What do you think you’re doing you black bastard?’
I was lost for words. All my life I have done nothing but give my all for my club, county and community and this was the respect I got. A reminder of the views towards black people that I had been very much willing to forget. I could see that other younger players on my team overheard but I didn’t know how to react. I remained calm and reported the incident to the referee who didn’t send the player off as he didn’t hear the insult.
I couldn’t concentrate for the remainder of the game as I questioned the referee’s decision. I didn’t want to address the incident right after the game because I wanted to forget it had ever happened and I didn’t want to go through the process of meetings and providing evidence and enduring the embarrassment of the whole case being made public.
I didn’t want to feel more marginalised than I already did. I brushed it all under the rug. It’s been a chip on my shoulder ever since.
Growing up playing football in Kerry, you would garner some level of respect from your peers. I was seen as a Kerry footballer and being black made me stick out. I haven’t told many friends about the racist encounters on the football field because the thought of my friends knowing that an opposing player thought that little of me and would call me a black bastard was crippling.
I am not painting a whole nation with the same brush. I can’t generalise a country due to the ignorance of a few.
I cannot stress enough how grateful I am to have forged my life in Ireland. Ireland is a beautiful and great place to raise a family. I just hope that these incidents that I’ve shared and the realisation that everyone globally is coming to terms with can make people act differently when witnessing any form of racism. It is a topic that can easily be overlooked.
These are just three incidents in my life that I felt would be most important to address. There’s countless deeper ways that people’s comments could subconsciously segregate and affect minorities. I hope people can come away from reading this more aware and understanding about the issue of racism and stamp it out for good.
Heaslip would want to reel his neck in. The best no.8 in Ireland is Marcell Coetzee. After that it’s stander and it’ll continue to be until Doris gets a run of caps and a lions test under his belt. People give out about commenters in message boards being parochial but the paid pundits are the worst.
@Jim Demps: Agree about Coetzee but think he’s playing better than Stander at the moment and has more strings to his bow.
He can’t do much about Lions caps right now so that’s a silly bar to set. He is first choice 8 though pushing Stander to 6 so backs Heaslips comments up…
@Jim Demps: fully agree with you Jim. People shouldn’t be getting too carried away with Doris just yet he’s still only 21. Good to see you back commenting again by the way
@Jim Demps: so Ryan isn’t the best lock in Ireland until he gets lions under his belt? I think Heaslip means Irish number 8.
@LP: ah sound. Doris is class, the whole world in front of him. Let him out and play without anointing him with silly titles like that and heaping pressure on him and giving people a stick to beat him with. Heaslip should know better.
@Axel Beckett: hes got the run of caps that I mentioned though doesn’t he?
@Jim Demps:
Do you not think it was a flippant slip of the tongue to spark debate and keep his name in the press for a few hours or days at least.
Even the dogs in the street know it’s the Ulster number 8 that is possibly the top performer in Ireland over every position just now.
I am equally looking forward to watching Doris at 8 and Stander at 6 as we need cover for the middle of the back row. Stander is an excellent 8 but I alway fear him getting injured as the next in line Conan was a large drop down in ability.
I like Stander at 6 and he never lets the team down and for this reason I would always want to find a place for him. He and Doris give us more ball carrying firepower along with big defence hits.
In the future I think this is the back row with Dan coming back at 7
@Jim Demps: Yeah, what would Heaslip know about playing number 8 at test level
@Jim Demps: if only you reeled your own neck in during your playing days, we wouldn’t have to listen to your concussion-based gibberish.
@Jim Demps: ah Jim you’ve been missed. Your ability to try provoke outrage is without equal. Heaslip is entitled to his opinion just like your are. No need for the confrontational aggressive language.
@Jim Demps: any chance his comment related to Irish qualified player’s only Jim? Nah, you’d never consider that in your fit of anti Heaslip outrage!!
@Jim Demps: welcome back. What a straw man to start with; you have a month’s worth of next built up to throw about now.
@Jim Demps: I agree with stander but lions is a silly point to make.
@Jim Demps: Pretty sure by Ireland he meant qualified for Ireland. And Stander might be in the running for best 6 in Ireland but I wouldn’t put him in the top 3 at 8. Dorris is a far more rounded player than him.
@Jim Demps: I didn’t even realise doris was the best number 8 in leinster for a start
@Jim Demps: I can’t wait for the article on Heaslip’s opinion that Joe Schmidt is Ireland’s greatest ever rugby coach.
Or better yet the piece on “Why Jamie Heaslip is twice the player Donnacha Ryan ever was”.
@Jim Demps: nonsense, if CJ was better than Doris at 8 then he’d be playing 8… he’s a limited 8 and you’d see that if you took your Munster goggles off – he makes hard yards with lots of small carries but has limited speed and limited passing ability. CJ is a better blindside flanker and that’s his best position
@Andy Dwyer: correct Heaslip was twice the player Ryan is.
@BMJF: wouldn’t you be better off waiting to see Doris at international level before proclaiming him as better than cj? I think Doris looks the real deal but cj has done it at the top level for a long time against serious teams. A couple of years ago conan was going to show cj how it’s done at international level, here was the real deal with all the skills and though he did OK he was a few notches below cj at that level. I’d have high hopes for Doris, he looks a terrific player but as Jim rightly said, why proclaim him as the second coming? Give the young lad a chance to play his way in without heaping even more pressure on him
@Umpaloompa: @Jim Demps : Coetzee best 8 in Ireland. Stander best 6 and overall backrow player in Ireland. He’s a great player not an 8. Blindside is where he’s at home and flourishes.
Wouldn’t say he’s under pressure considering he’s just moved back to his better position.
Doris is best Irish qualified number 8 because of great skill set , footwork mixed with physicality but Stander the better of the two.
Always amazes me that Heaslip never praises Stander for his efforts at 6 when they played together for 2 years. Always get the impression Heaslip was a bit jealous of Standers physical ball carrying , tackle counts and quality turnovers and is probably aware of Standers probably aware of CJs popularity among coaches and fans.
@Ger: Stander never was an 8 – in that regard Coetzee , Doris & Deegan are better.
He is however head and shoulders the best 6 and could make a strong argument for best forward with James Ryan for his engine , strength in the carry & breakdown ability
@Jim Demps: That didn’t take long, guess it was nice while it lasted…
@John Carey: how’s he never been an 8 when he’s been nailed on 8 for Ireland for more than the last 2 years?
@Jim Demps: Doris is a better player than Stander RIGHT NOW. It’s not that hard to understand. What Stander has done in the past is irrelevant.
Heaslip is saying Doris is a better player now and it’s hard to disagree with that looking at how both performed in Europe in recent months. Not everything is a dig at Munster.
@Robb Stark: I wouldn’t mind seeing how Doris goes with the pack on the back foot and he’s dealing with sh*t ball before declaring him as ireland best nó. 8
@Kohn Jeenan: He’s played 8 but it doesn’t suit his style of play ( he’s always been nailed on just not in his best position)
@Tim Magner: the answer to every leinster players form is its easy to play in a team going forward, how do you think leinster get this go forward ball?
@Chris Mc: a really good tight 5 Chris, there’s 3 of them playing on sat with another 3 on the bench. Not to mention fardy. But leinster have played no pack this year that’ll come even close to the strength of England, Wales or France. I wasn’t knocking Doris at all, I think he’s a class act. But I’d prefer to see him perform at the top level before I’d make a claim like heaslip did
@Tim Magner: Completely agree Tim. No matter how good a player is, you need to see him on the back foot and against the best. Next week against Moriarty would be a brilliant match up.
@Axel Beckett: I’ve no doubt the lad will make it axel, he’s as well rounded an 8 as we’ve seen in Ireland in a long tíme and I’d nearly put money on him now starting for the lions in 2 yrs time with the injury profile of Billy v & faletau. I still want to see him perform at the highest level though. By the way, great call on the Irish selection
@John Carey: Yup he’s the best 6 in the squad on form. I think POM from 2018 and before was a better all round player but he is not the same player. I actually think that Leavy could end up playing 6 for Ireland when he comes back. I know he has played 7 for Ireland but some of the best performances I’ve seen from him for Leinster has been at 6. His game is perfect for 6. The make up of the back row will change a lot over the next few seasons, lots of good players coming through. But I doubt we’ll see Stander at 8 again except for multiple injuries.
@Ger: Stander was always a better player the O’Mahony for Munster and Ireland.
Big Leavy fan myself but he’s a real 7. Can’t see Farrell dropping CJ (especially when VDF is more expendable). I think Dan and CJ will be the two consents in the Irish backrow for the next four to five years
@Ger: it’s amazing how quickly people forget how good stander was/is as a no. 8. He played all of 2018 in that position and he excelled. If pom was motm v nz that year then stander wasn’t very far behind, they were the 2 outstanding players, amongst many, on the pitch. Doris looks a serious prospect and the Jersey should be his. I wouldn’t be as blown away by deegan as some are, he’s a serious athlete and I think he’ll excel against weaker opposition where he can look very flashy. At the top level though the line breaks aren’t as easy to come by and he’s shown nothing yet that he’s prepared to get stuck into the less glamorous parts of the job, in a lot of ways he’s similar to conan
@Tim Magner: I agree with you re Degan and Conan. I think Deegan can improve but he will need to to force his way into the 23 at test level. Not sure what Conan will be like when he’s back and everyone is fit. Probably won’t make the squad. I don’t fully agree with you re Stander. I do agree he definitely played well in 2018 but the entire team were playing well then. I think he does what he does well but he is too 1 dimensional for test level at number 8. The modern 8 needs to be a good footballer as well as being able to do the donkey work. Stander just isn’t a great footballer. He is far superior at 6.
@Matt Fagan: I always though Heaslip played on the wing !
Obviously he means the best Irish number 8 playing in Ireland. But yes Coetzee is light years ahead of any number we have available to us.
@Ray Ridge: that’s too sensible a comment for some lads to consider!!
@Ray Ridge: Agreed, very clearly talking in the context of the international squad.
Feel people are harsh on CJ . He’s always been a blindside flanker more then an 8 but Schmidt moved him there for most of 2018 & 2019 because he was the only forward physically able to fulfill that role being the first receiver into heavy traffic.
IMO he’s a better blindside flanker (6) then Deegan , Conan , Doris or even Heaslip in the last few years of his career.
They’re better footballers but he’s a better forward with more physicality , breakdown work , higher tackle counts and a stronger hard yard game and work ethic.
In 2016 & 2017 he was forward of the 6 Nations. Then when he played there only 4 times in 2018 & 2019 he collected MOTM awards against Australia , France , Scotland (3/4 possible awards).
@John Carey: he’s a better blindside flanker then Deegan , Doris or Heaslip are 8’s
Save it for the podcast Jamie.
@Rory Craig: seriously, as good as the young man is he still has to go prove it at international level and all this bigging him up is not bloody helping him. He’s a young man just out of U20′s, I for one wont be analysing him too harshly Sunday morning. Step by step
Have people forgotten that Stander was our best player at the world cup, playing at no 8? Not so long ago Heaslip was spouting that Conan was the best no 8 in the country. Soon Max Deegan will be getting the same treatment. Doris is getting a great chance now. Let him play a few games there before spouting this drivel.
Heaslip commenting on a Leinster player is “high praise”? Would you be doing well.
Wonder will we hear it on his podcast?
Heaslip was unreal in his first game as captain vs Italy. Knocked on the kick off. His opinion should be valued highly.
@t: how did you get on on your debut as Irish captain?
Just confirms what I always thought about Neeslip. Winker!!!!!!!!
Can’t wait to see that back row! Dynamic & the perfect balance.
Christ Heaslip would you let the kid play without the hyperbole and kicking Stander and Deegan in the nuts
Haven’t you got a test to go to Jamie???
In form 9 and 10 are probably fantastic also Jamie
Who cares ?? Ireland are full of shi.t , players left themselves down at world cup and are not as good as they think they are !!!
Yawn. Who cares. Premiership soccer is back this Saturday. The Irish rugby goys building nicely for the 2022 Autumn Internationals.
@Valthebear: so is Swedish hand ball, polish net ball and Moldovan archery. Exciting times indeed!!
I’m surprised they pushed him in at 8 with his size and natural ability 6 looks be a good option especially when POM is out at lineout time