Declan Bogue

IN VOLTAIRE’S NOVEL ‘Candide’ written in the 18^th century, a character listed the various miseries they had endured to the titular character.

No need to list all the misfortunes here, safe to include that they include losing a buttock, being ravished by pirates and various other unpleasantries, before the key philosophical question; ‘In short, to undergo all the miseries we each of us suffered – or simply to sit here and do nothing?’

And in a way, that’s the task that Jim Gavin was faced with when he allowed himself to be sweet-talked by silver fox GAA President Jarlath Burns to save Gaelic football, nine years after he tweeted ‘The Death of Gaelic football’ during a fairly torturous National League game between Dublin and Derry.

It’s not that everything was bad about Gaelic football. But when a game can be broken down to a list of key performance indicators and assessed along said lines, well then it ceases to be a ‘game’ at all.

Shot selection. Turnovers. Conversion rates. Possession restarts. All key pillars of a thousand podcasts, but I’m sorry. This stuff is BOOOOOOO-RIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGG!

Watching a game now back has become an exquisite torture. Like eating Friday night’s reheated fish and chips on a Tuesday.

Remember those halcyon days of innocence, when Donegal played Colm McFadden on his own as a one-man forward line in the 2011 All-Ireland semi-final? Now that was living!

Jim McGuinness knew he was onto something that day. He just needed one more piece for the jigsaw. And he figured it out. He took McFadden back into the defence.

There’s been variations and methods to prise open the massed defence. These innovations have been clever and perceptive. But there’s a real lipstick-on-a-pig issue here in that teams are still having to break down 15 opposition players in their own 45.

Right now, Gaelic football has a severe coaching problem. Last weekend, your correspondent was at an U11 blitz in Monaghan when he watched one Donegal club doing a heavily rehearsed ‘stack and split’ kickout routine.

Every time. Not once did the keeper get the ball and hoof it out, just for the feeling that comes with kicking a football as long and hard as possible.

So, the Football Review Committee jumped through the hoops and gathered the data and conducted the surveys. They attended the meetings and fattened themselves on egg and onion and strong caffeine. And this is what they have come up with.

This weekend’s games at Croke Park had a North Korean Worker’s Party rally vibe. Once the various rule changes were decided upon, a uniform phraseology of ‘rule enhancements’ has been used. Even down to the puffy coats of those that have been part of Jim Gavin’s committee, with embroidery to indicate that, yes, they have done the nation some service.

Niall Grimley climbs above Aidan O'Shea for the new style throw-in. Ben Brady / INPHO Ben Brady / INPHO / INPHO

RTÉ, historically never afraid to carry the bag of the establishment, were putting the best foot forward. They got lucky in that their natural candidate for co-commentary anyway, Eamonn Fitzmaurice, was part of Gavin’s young radicals. Therefore, it was worth listening to everything he said.

From the final itself last night between Ulster and Connacht, there was a lovely point from Darren McCurry on 20 seconds. It was just inside the two-point arc, but it was communicated well by referee David Coldrick.

Then, a smartly-taken and well worked team goal that concluded with Matthew Tierney slotting home. And a Niall Grimley point from the top drawer. Then Enda Smith scores a goal.

Good God almighty. It all came within the first four minutes.

The rule changes kicked in once Rian O’Neill wouldn’t get out of the way of a free kick and the ball was moved on 50 metres. Connacht laced the ball in high towards Aidan O’Shea. What’s not to like?

Rian O'Neill. Ben Brady / INPHO Ben Brady / INPHO / INPHO

We could detail more, but ask yourself what you might like to see as direct benefits from changing the rules of Gaelic football.

I know I’d like to see a game that rewards the ballers.

For the last decade, some players have won All Stars and the cruel truth is that few understand what for. Even some of those inside the room couldn’t even tell you. The ‘middle third’ has become a paradise for an earnest young chap to circle and loop and offer themselves for a handpass before delivering one themselves. I don’t care for those nice, trainee accountants. I want to see the rock stars, thank you very much.

And it might have only been in place for illustration purposes, but can we keep putting a mic on the referee?

It might cut down on some of the mouthfuls of abuse that the same referee, David Coldrick, got in the 2015 All-Ireland final when he was miced up for a documentary that the players were unaware of.

It came as little surprise that Rian O’Neill stood out here. The week before, the Ulster team trained in Tyrone’s Garvaghey complex. Each county were urged to send a representative to get a look at an in-house match.

Those that were present told of O’Neill and his brother Oisin kicking the leather off the football. That would owe a lot to their Crossmaglen background and you could see them looking forward to 2025 with a certain relish.

Aidan O’Shea, another proper player who has spent years paying for his stature and being bottled up, was able to express himself.

Among some of the less eye-catching changes were ones that clear up a lot of the stuff that rags supporters in particular. All you fly hoors out there that love to steal a few yards for a free, well, Jim’s got a foam for that now.

Clock stoppages too for those other sneaky feckers that think they are running the time down by running the bench and making the play fractured.

I’d also like a Grandstand finish the odd time too. With teams chasing a win rather than trying to put the ball in the fridge.

Not every week. But some. And with a goal from Odhran Murdock and the equaliser from Johnny Heaney, we got that before the worst penalty shoot out in history.

On it goes to the Ard Chomhairle meeting next week.

As Fitzmaurice helpfully pointed out, there is no doubt that the pre-season competitions need a comeback.

“There’s still space to tweak things, to take things out… We are excited by the progression so far…hopefully as the thing goes on it will get better and better and better.”

There’s roughly twelve weeks before the start of the leagues. We’ll need to see a lot more of this prior to that, but so far, so good.