Here’s our friend Gianni Infantino. Ubiquity is his.

Dramatic replays of the group action. This is commonly known as the pre-pre-pre-pre-preamble to the main event.

This might be handy to know…

Group Winners:

Bayern Munich, Inter Milan, Benfica, Real Madrid, Chelsea, Arsenal, Zenit St Petersburg, Barcelona

Group Runners-Up:

Napoli, CSKA Moscow, Basel, Lyon, B Leverkusen, Marseille, Apoel Nicosia, AC Milan.

We’re getting a history lesson about the Olympic Stadium in Munich, where the final won’t be held. It’s taking place at Bayern’s Allianz Arena on May 19th.

A rundown of the teams in the pot, and the usual nonsense about how clubs from the same country can’t be drawn against each other. Runners up are chosen first, etc etc.

We also get a comedy pronunciation of the word ‘eligible’…

Oh. Time for the draw. That seemed quicker than usual…

Lyon v Apoel Nicosia

Napoli v Chelsea

AC Milan v Arsenal

Basle v Bayern Munich

Bayer Leverkusen v FC Barcelona

CSKA Moscow v Real Madrid

Zenit St Petersburg v Benfica

Marseille v Inter Milan

Ouch. The two English sides, Chelsea and Arsenal, get arguably the two toughest sides in the second tier. Andre Villas Boas’ side will take on Napoli, fresh from schooling Manchester City, while Arsenal get Milan, currently third in Serie A.

Arsenal, of course, eliminated Milan in 2008 so the omens are good if you believe in that kind of thing.

Otherwise, expect the following… “there are no easy games in the Champions League,” and “we’d have had to face the better teams sooner or later. We’re getting into the business end of the season where every game’s a cup final…”

Of course, we’re not done. We still have the Europa League draw to come…

These are the non-seeded teams in the Europa League frame…

From the Europa League groups: Rubin Kazan, Hannover, Legia Warsaw, Lazio, Stoke City, Salzburg, AZ Alkmaar, Braga, Udinese, Steaua Bucharest, Wisla Krakow, Lokomotiv Moscow.

From the Champions League: Porto, Ajax, Trabzonspor, Viktoria Pilzn.

And the seeded teams:

From the Europa League groups: PAOK, Standard Liege, PSV Eindhoven, Sporting Lisbon, Besiktas, Athletic Bilbao, Metalist, Club Brugge, Atletico Madrid, Schalke, FC Twente, Anderlecht.

From the Champions League: Manchester United, Manchester City, Olympiakos,Valencia.

The draw gets underway at 12…

The draw gets underway at 12, we’ll be back…

Here it comes, the Europa League draw, with its own theme music and everything…

That’s some outrageously grandiose music for a competition without the lustre of the Champions League. Just saying, like…

We’d like to say we paid attention to the ins and outs of the draw, but we got distracted by that drying paint in the corner of the room. Fascinating colour. Mauve, presumably.

Unseeded teams first…

FC Porto v … we don’t know who. They can’t get the ball open!

FC Porto v Manchester City

Ajax v Manchester United

Lokomotiv Moscow v Athletic Bilbao

FC Salzburg v Metalist Kharkiv

Stoke City v Valencia

Rubin Kazan v Olympiakos

AZ Alkmaar v Anderlecht

Lazio v Atletico Madrid

Steaua Bucharest v FC Twente

Viktoria Plzen v FC Schalke

Wisla Krakow v Standard Liege

SC Braga v Besiktas

Udinese v PAOK Salonika

Trabzonspor v PSV Eindhoven

Hannover 96 v Club Brugge

Legia Warsaw v Sporting Portugal

Next up, we have the last 16 draw… There’s no country protection so, potentially, we could see a Manchester derby if both teams win their last 32 games…

Salzburg/Metalist Kharkiv v Rubin Kazan/Olympiakos

Legia Warsaw/Sporting v Porto/Manchester City

Steaua Bucharest/FC Twente v Viktoria Plzen/Schalke

Wisla Krakow/Standard Liege v Hannover 96/Club Brugge

Stoke City/Valencia v Trabzonspor/PSV Eindhoven

AZ Alkmaar/Anderlecht v Udinese/PAOK Salonika

Lazio/Atletico Madrid v FC Braga/Besiktas

Ajax/Manchester United v Lokomotiv Moscow/Athletic Bilbao

And that’s it. United and City face tough opposition in Ajax and FC Porto, while it’s no cakewalk for Stoke either. They get Valencia.

That’s all from the European draws, we’re off to tweet our little hearts out…