The teams? You want the teams?

OK so.

Norwich: Ruddy, Russell Martin, Barnett, Bassong, Garrido, Snodgrass, Howson, Johnson, Surman, Holt, Jackson
Subs: Rudd, Turner, Hoolahan, Fox, Morison, Tierney, Kane

West Ham: Jaaskelainen, Demel, Reid, Collins, O’Brien, Diame, Noble, Vaz Te, Nolan, Taylor, Cole
Subs: Henderson, McCartney, Tomkins, Jarvis, Maiga, Benayoun, Diarra

Referee: Chris Foy (Merseyside)

As the game kicks off, an interesting little piece of information – Norwich have not received a single card in four games this season (three Premier League, one Rumbelows Cup).

Mohamed Diame drives into the box and is blocked by Leon Barnett. Corner, from which Matt Taylor drives the ball wide.

Three of West Ham’s four goals this season have come from set pieces, but they’re absolutely not, in no way, never a long ball side. Says Sam Allardyce.

Lovely play from Andrew Surman, who makes the most of the space created by Grant Holt to cut in and shoot just across the West Ham goal.

We often confuse our Jonny Howsons from our Bradley Johnsons. That is all.

Not too much going on here, but Celtic have just been pegged back by St Johnstone. Taddei with the finish to cancel out Kris Commons’ opener.

Great chance for West Ham! Ricardo Vaz Te gets to the byline and cross for Carlton Cole. The striker’s header is blocked by Russell Martin on the line, the ball falls to the feet of Matt Taylor, but the former Bolton man shoots wide on his wrong foot.

Bradley Johnson breaks and is tripped by Mark Noble. Cynical. Promising free-kick for the Canaries.

Snodgrass’ free-kick is blocked, as is his follow-up effort, before he tries to win a penalty off a challenge by Kevin Nolan. Nolan is not happy, he was clearly trying to con the referee.

John Ruddy, falling backwards, somehow manages to get a hand on Nolan’s shot. Another great chance from the Hammers, who don’t seem to be missing Andy Carroll too much.

James Collins shoots so far over the bar that the ball has, reportedly, landed in Old Trafford after taking out a 747 on the way.

He really shouldn’t have.

Vaz Te goes for goal, it’s deflected wide for a corner. This is not an exciting fixture from the BARCLAY’S PREMIER LEAGUE!!!

What were Sky Sports thinking?

Eight or nine shots in a row for Norwich! Robert Snodgrass, who has an annoying tendency to cross and shoot with the outside of his left foot when his right would be so much better, torments Joey O’Brien before James Collins clears.

In the next wave, Snodgrass and Grant Holt fire a number of shots at Jussi Jaaskelainen, but the Finn stands tall.

A free-kick from Mark Noble falls directly into the grateful arms of John Ruddy.

Norwich go straight up the other end as Snodgrass feeds Holt, but the chunky lad scuffs his shot wide.

Question: Why are there no interesting tweets about this game on our Twitter feed?

Norwich are awarded a free-kick on the edge of the West Ham area – a big call as it looked like Surman was fouled inside the box. Johnson steps up and tries to lash it through the Hammers wall, but no joy.

Could this be the match of the season so far???

No.

That’s half-time - the biggest moment came when Chris Foy failed to award Norwich a penalty when James Collins fouled Andrew Surman.

Apart from that we’ve had a few efforts, but Grant Holt and Carlton Cole are not exactly Tevez and van Persie. Poor enough game, time for tea here.

You just want to hug him, don’t you?

The teams are coming back for the second half.

An important interception from Winston Reid, as he blocks Surman’s cross for Grant Holt.

Howson drives forward and finds Simeon Jackson with a fine threaded pass. Jackson can’t make it count though, as Guy Demel gets in his way.

James Collins is having a nightmare!

The defender backs off Jackson and allows the Canadian to turn, advance and let rip. Jaaskelainen tips over brilliantly to keep the game scoreless.

Bradley Johnson. Shot. Jussi Jaaskelainen. Save. Entertainment value. None.

A couple of substitutions for West Ham, as Matt Taylor and Carlton Cole are replaced by Matt Jarvis and Modibo Maiga.

A Norwich free-kick is headed back to Sebastian Bassong by Barnett, but the former Spurs man’s header fails to trouble Jaaskelainen. Steve Morison is about to come on for the home side.

Jackson goes off as the boos ring out.

Steve Morison uses his physical presence to shake off Reid and direct a shot over the West Ham bar.

Elsewhere, no De Gea or Evra or RvP or Kagawa for Man United…

Team v Wigan: Lindegaard; Rafael, Ferdinand, Vidic, Buttner; Nani, Carrick, Scholes, Giggs; Hernandez, Welbeck.

19-year-old Harry Kane replaces Holt for Norwich.

Jarvis receives the ball from Vaz Te and shoots over the Norwich bar.

It would be interesting* to see the number of off target shots today.

*Quite boring actually.

This is just a terrible match at Carrow Road. 12 minutes of misery left.

More putrid rubbish from Vaz Te, whose cross finds the corner flag.

Here, have some Delia. Never a bad time for this.

A moment of excitement as Kane tries to curl one past Jaaskelainen, but it goes just wide. Nice work from the on-loan Tottenham striker.

Yossi Benayoun comes on for his second West Ham debut, replacing Vaz Te, who has been woeful today. Round of applause for the Israeli five years after he left to join Liverpool.

Nolan’s header from a Jarvis cross goes just wide – maybe a late goal? Dare we hope?

Norwich’s best chance of the game! The Canaries break from a West Ham attack, and go three-on-two as Snodgrass finds Kane. The youngster has the chance to slot past Jaaskelainen but shoots weakly into the arms of the former Bolton man. Let-off for West Ham.

Kane finds Snodgrass in the West Ham, and Joey O’Brien gets in the way of the former Leeds man’s shot. Great end to a poor match.

And that’s the end of that – it may have ended in exciting fashion, thanks mainly to the introduction of Harry Kane, but it was a dreadful match. Good riddance to it, now bring on the 3pm kick-offs!