Gooooooooood afternoon, football fans. We hope you’re building up to a nice Saturday lunchtime. We are, because we’re about to watch Louis van Gaal’s Manchester United set off in search of their fourth win in as many games at the start of this new season.

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Here’s how the gaffers have set their stall out for today.

Saying Shaw, Schneiderlin and Schweinsteiger in quick schuck-session ain’t easy.

Newcastle’s new signing Aleksandar Mitrovic will lead the line.

There’s Luke Shaw telling BT how gosh-darn fit he is these days. With thighs like that, he really needs a bigger pair of shorts.

The teams are in the tunnel, Mitrovic had the red de-misters on and Bastian Schweinsteiger is pumped to start a game.

Kick-off is just moments away.

KICK-OFF: We’re away

The home side dominating the early possession and finding some gaps in the final third with nice movement from Memphis and Mata ahead of a very solid looking Schneiderlin and Schweinsteiger midfield.

ROOOONNEEEEE…… nah, he’s offside.

The captain produced a nice feint and finish after running in behind the Toon central defenders, but he was a good few inches offside from Mata’s throughball.

Rooney’s confidence seems a bit bolstered by finding the net. In space, 25 yards out he unleashed a clean low strike. It went straight at the keeper, but a positive sign for the captain.

Newcastle are all over the place defensively. They can’t cope with United’s movement up front. It feels just a matter of time before the breakthrough comes for the hosts.

It looks like LVG’s side are playing against nine men as Chris Smalling strolls in to midfield and sweeps a pass across to the left. The hosts perhaps just rushing their attacks when they reach the final third at this stage.

Januzaj easily gets himself out of a dead end on the left wing and Scheinsteiger invited Darmian inside. The fullback is fouled before he reaches the box in the right hand channel.

Memphis runs over the ball to allow Mata have a crack, but it’s a pretty tame curling effort, easily claimed by Krul.

Mata and Memphis combine again after a short corner, but the Dutchman’s low cross is blocked. Another corner, this time taken long.

Too long, but Newcastle still can’t reach the halfway line.

Shaw throws in some variation with a lofted cross to the back post. Darmian nips in ahead of a static Toon defender and Mata fashions a shooting chance. Krul gets down well to save at his near post.

Steve McClaren looks like a man thinking about making a change after Wayne Rooney is able to turn and get a shot in on goal.

Newcastle look really terrible.

Yep. Very fluid to watch so far today.

Newcastle went in search of the sucker-punch and Wijnaldum’s inswinging free-kick is a good one.

The home side clear it away, but Newcastle come roaring back and Haidara is close to getting on the end of a fine one-touch move. Instead, he’s pinged for a foul and United can build again.

Memphis flicks the ball past Mbemba easily, but once inside the box he attempts to sidefoot the ball to Krul’s near post. Weak.

OFF THE BAR! The sucker punch very nearly arrived as Mitrovic connected to a cross from deep. His header from the edge of the box had Romero beaten, but cracked off the crossbar and out to the left where Shaw recovered.

Depay is really angling for that ‘Walk it in, Memphis’ headlines. Mata slips the Dutchman through and he again makes light work of making space, but after rounding Krul he appears to struggle to make a decision and ends up trying to cut back to Rooney. The delay helped Newcastle get back off the goal-line and put a toe on the ball.

A quick reminder of the happy blokes Van Gaal have in reserve.

Newcastle have stopped the rot for the most part. The home side resort to a long range crack from Daley Blind which pings around the area a couple of times before coming back to a red shirt in midfield.

Much better from Newcastle now. Putting actual live pressure on the ball rather than allowing the hosts easy access to their back four. The new-found spirit forces Schweinsteiger in to a mistake to end a lateral move from right to a left wing throw in.

This is the time Manchester United fans can rightly start to feel nervous. They have nothing to show for all the early dominance and Romero comes nowhere near inspiring confidence at the back.

The Argentine came rushing out to the left side of his box to close down a shot there. Fortunately for him, the offside flag had already been raised.

The Old Trafford crowd find something to shout about, but they quickly settle down again after a foul is given against Smalling on halfway.

As a result, Haidara knocks in a low cross from the by-line that needed an intervention from Blind. mata shows some good hustle to shut down the short corner.

More hearts in mouths at Old Trafford. Smalling gets in a tangle with Mitrovic and Perez pounces on the clearance to get a shot on goal.

It looked like it trickled wide, but the officials say Romero got a touch.

Good stuff from Januzaj, nipping in to steal possession on halfway to set United away three-on-three.

With Rooney veering right, Januzaj picked out Mata on the left. He stalled with white shirts streaming back and managed to pick out Memphis on the run, but after he checked his stride, the chance to shoot was gone.

Manchester United 0 Newcastle United 0

Pretty uninspiring stuff from the home side after an excellent opening 15-20 minutes. Newcastle looked to be there for the taking early on and Louis Van Gaal’s side must be wondering if they’ll end up regretting the wasted opportunities.

The teams are back out on the park and ready for the off.

The sun is out at Old Trafford, but Newcastle’s defenders are well and truly tucked in.

McClaren has set his side out to keep things quiet early in this half. Lord knows what he asked of them in the first half.

Still no breakthrough for United, but they do really love a short corner. Memphis and Blind combined nicely on the right side after their most recent effort, but again the Dutch winger’s cross is cut out at the first hurdle.

Blind involved at the other end too as he gets a head on another dangerous cross and flicks it out to safety.

The game is poised nicely now, but just after his side look to be shifting up a gear, van Gaal is ready to make a change. Michael Carrick will come into the game.

Memphis yet again makes going past people look easy. This time he drew a foul from Gabriel Obertan and the free-kick is in a lovely area for a right-footed taker.

Much like every other time he’s come out of dribble mode, Memphis clips the ball straight in to the wall. He lofts a cross in for Smalling, but the defender is penalised before he gets a head to it.

Carrick has replaced Bastian Scweinsteiger.

A little bit of momentum about the hosts in attack now and the crowd roar for the arrival of another corner.

It peters out again though and the groans are palpable. 30 minutes to go.

BT’s touchline reporter has news of a cut to Schweinsteiger’s ankle. Doesn’t sound very serious, but he was probably going to struggle to complete 90 minutes in midfield anyway.

This first-half moment probably remains Manchester United’s best chance today.

AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

Oof. A near miss for Newcastle there as Taylor’s backpass left Krul struggling. Fortunately, the Dutch keeper managed to deal with the danger.

Van Gaal has sent on his second sub of the day, Chicharito replacing Adnan Januzaj.

With still lots of time to prove me wrong, it has to be said that all in all Memphis has been extremely wasteful today.

Excellent at beating defenders, until he has to pass rather than run beyond them.

Romero attempts to inject some urgency into United’s play by launching his kick over the head of Memphis. He can’t quite reach the ball first, but Krul’s clearance is weak and invites Chicharito onto the ball and he is fouled.

It’s too far out to whip in to the box, but United do manage to build more pressure. Mata appears to be fouled on the outside of the area, but with the crowd demanding a penalty, there’s nothing given.

Hernandez comes in off the left in the next phase and picks out Mata on the back post, but his volley is on his right foot and blazed off target.

The pressure is getting cranked up with each passing second. Somehow Memphis, winding up for a powerful header, sent the ball spiralling two foot into the air.

Luke Shaw follows that threat up with a daring run into the heart of the Toon defence and that creates the opening for Scheiderlin, but his shot is easily stopped.

Van Gaal’s final sub is Antonio Valencia on in a straight swap with Darmian.

CLOSE! Mata is dictating play in the final third but the ball keeps bouncing back to him off Newcastle defender.

At the third time of asking the ball bobbled through for Hernandez, but Krul was out quick and diverted the shot away with his legs.

Beautiful flashes from United as Mata and Hernandez clip one-twos off one another, but fans will be screaming at Chicharito to take that 10-yard shot on himself rather than play it to a more difficult angle.

Wayne Rooney knocks down a cross for Valencia… blocked by Coloccini from point blank.

Chris Smalling appears t be in the Fellaini role as an auxiliary centre forwards. Things are getting desperate without the big Belgian.

That’s the end of Mitovic’s day. He’s managed to avoid a card this time though, replaced by Cisse with 2 minutes to go.

We’re in to the 90th minute. Michael Owen’s given Coliccini the man-of-the-match award but United have a corner…

POST! Chris Smalling gets on the end of Memphis’ corner and it hits the base of the woodwork.

Four minutes added time.

Newcastle break away three on one. Cisse takes the ball right and hits the ball across goal, narrowly evading a Newcastle attacker sliding in.

A bad day almost got a hell of a lot worse for Van Gaal.

CARRICK! He makes up for a bad touch with a solid shot, but it’s deflected just wide.

FULL TIME! Manchester United 0 Newcastle United 0

The new season’s winning streak comes to an end for Manchester United.

They could feasibly have been 4 – 0 up after 20 minutes, but once Newcastle got their act together, United’s lack of cutting edge at the business end was obvious.

They continued to make chances, but without Fellaini, they attempted to thread the needle time and time again and neither Rooney, Hernandez or Memphis were able to take the chances that came their way.

Chris Smalling looked as likely as anyone to score. He knocked a late header against the post and earlier stole in front of Coloccini only to get a thick connection and send the ball across rather than through the six-yard box.

So, United have still to concede a Premier League goal and sit top of the Premier League on seven points, but they could have put a much more attractive gloss on that by punishing a poor Newcastle side today.