THERE WAS A time you were going spinning and doing pilates a couple of times a week.

There was a time when you could hold your own in both classes.

There was a time when you felt unstoppable in the gym, pulling and dragging weights around the place with boundless energy and real joie de vivre. Yes that was, er, three weeks ago.

Then the Pogues came on the radio and it went all downhill from there, rapidly. But soon, it’ll be time to drain the glasses and the party will come to its inevitable conclusion. Then it’ll be time to go you know where.

Admittedly, we can be hard enough on gyms from time to time – probably because we envy the coin they must make. And never is that envy more obvious than this next month when the queues for gyms and fitness centres will make the tailbacks outside Coppers look small in comparison.

And you’ll definitely have these four thoughts when that day arrives…

Did I drink that much over Christmas?

You’ll spend as much time thinking of ways to get through the spinning class as you will totting up how many nights you drank over Christmas and what you spent.  You swear you will not be able to look at your bank statement until March. You feel so lethargic and utterly useless and you’ll think, is it possible that I can be this unfit after just 17 nights out in the last month? On the trot.

I will never get back into the shape I was in before

Think of fitness as like a deck of cards. It takes effort, time and dedication to really build it up and hit your straps. Sadly, it takes but a few heavy nights to become derailed by all the revelry. You can’t face the gym with a hangover so the fitness drops off and then off some more. Two weeks into January and you’ll think it’s worse you’re getting. You WILL get out of this slump. Just keep on truckin’.

This gym membership was a total waste of money

You’ll start to resent the staff in the gym who’ll patronise you with uplifting quotes and over the top greetings. They’ve got your €600 annual membership, is it any wonder they’re smiling? Just bear in mind the following sobering (we couldn’t help ourselves there) thought; at €600 a year, if you go to the gym twice a week for 48 weeks, it’s about €6.50 a visit. Hardly cheap now is it?

That’s it, no more late nights

We’ve been here before. 12 months ago, to be exact. And 12 months previous to that too, actually. You’re in such a shocking state that for the month of January you’ll swear to eat nothing but almonds and spinach. And there will definitely be no late nights. Unfortunately, there are five Saturdays in the coming month, just to exacerbate your misery. Time to break out those box sets Santa brought.

Lots of beer and Full Irishes: Dan Martin knows the value of ignoring your diet (for a while)

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