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Fantasyland: Are you ready for Super-Duper Grand Slam Sunday™?

Fantasy football managers of the world, rejoice, for our weekly advice column is back. Right this way, good sirs.

TO BEGIN, AN apology.

In the absence of Paul, I have taken it on myself to be your fantasy football guru this week. There is, however, a slight but very important problem.

I’m not very good.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not terrible — although my total of 215 after four weeks of the game might suggest otherwise. It’s more that I don’t have the necessary patience for all of the forward planning and tinkering that is part and parcel of any well-run fantasy side.

So, ahead of this weekend’s action, allow me to impart some hastily assembled pearls of wisdom. And rest assured, if you completely ignore them, I won’t be offended in the slightest.

Normal service — featuring somebody who actually knows what they’re talking about — is scheduled to resume next week.

Two players to pick this week

Ivan Klasnic (Bolton): Klasnic seems to be a fairly shrewd signing. He’s not quite racking up the points at the same rate as Rooney, but at £6.2m, he’ll do nicely as a third striker. The Croatian has three goals in four games, as well as three bonus points, and with Bolton at home to struggling Norwich tomorrow, he could be about to improve on that.

Laurent Koscielny (Arsenal): This comes straight from the school of thought that there’s value to be found in Blackburn Rovers’ opponents all season. Arsenal are the lucky party this weekend and, with plenty of doubts still lingering, I find it very hard to believe that they’ll slip up at Ewood Park. Clean sheet for Kos? I think so.

Two players to avoid this week

Sergio Aguero / Edin Dzeko (Manchester City): I’m not suggesting that you completely avoid the City pair, but encouraging you to be wary when selecting them — particularly as captain. I know of many (two) fantasy players who handed Dzeko the captain’s armband last week and then watched in horror as he was left on the bench while Kun ran riot. Mancini is unlikely to play both at Craven Cottage on Sunday, so choose wisely.

Charles Nzogbia (Aston Villa): Aside from City (who have yet to concede a goal), Newcastle are the league’s stingiest defence on current form, so there is reason to believe that Nzogbia could be kept quiet at Villa Park tomorrow. While he might not rack up the points this weekend, current owners might be better off benching rather than selling — games against QPR and Wigan are just around the corner.

Predictions for the week

Blackburn 1-3 Arsenal

Aston Villa 0-0 Newcastle

Bolton 2-1 Norwich

Everton 1-0 Wigan

Swansea 2-2 West Brom

Wolves 2-0 QPR

Tottenham 1-1 Liverpool

Fulham 0-3 Man City

Sunderland 1-2 Stoke City

Man United 3-1 Chelsea

How Fenno’s team got on last gameweek: 78 points for the main man last week, well above the league average of 57 but far short of the weekly high of 120. Mr Fennessy has Messrs Nani and Rooney to thank for that one.

Who’s leading TheScore.ie’s league: Paddy McKenna’s Ride Me Sideways are our new leaders, topping the pile on 308pts. There’s not much in it though, with Mark Kilgallon (305) and Daniel O’Brien (304) rounding off a tightly-packed top three.

Who do you think will perform well/badly this week? Let us know in the comments section below.

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    Mute Johnny Bravo
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    May 3rd 2018, 6:32 PM

    Makes sense he’s had a few injuries this season so why use him, give him a rest and proper recovery. He’s a big part of Jose’s future plans so he’ll be raring to go next season as a result

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 6:46 PM

    @Johnny Bravo: how do you know he’s a big part of Jose’s future plans ?

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:01 PM

    @Johnny Bravo: o

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:02 PM

    @Johnny Bravo: or did you just make that up ?

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    Mute Johnny Bravo
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:09 PM

    @Alana: to much coffee today Jamie ?

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    Mute Johnny Bravo
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:11 PM

    @Johnny Bravo: or is your hand and fingers swollen from some other offline activity?

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:11 PM

    @Johnny Bravo: stick to making up stuff Thommo

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    Mute Johnny Bravo
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:22 PM

    @Alana: So I’m Thommo now lol you’re some tulip

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:25 PM

    @Johnny Bravo: where did you read he’s part of Jose’s plan for the future?

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    Mute Jumperoo
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:44 PM

    @Alana: don’t know if this helps, but I read it here. Some bloke called Johnny said so.

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:46 PM

    @Jumperoo: you must be new here, he makes a lot of stuff up here he also uses the account Thommo

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    Mute FPL Thommo
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    May 4th 2018, 8:16 AM

    @Alana: obsessed

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    Mute Eric Djemba-Djemba
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:08 PM

    Wrapping him in cotton wool with nothing to play for in premier league. Probably get a game before FA cup final, arrangement suits everyone good managing. Another CB, LB and a CM who can control tempo of the game(very few out there) needed to challenge man city next season.

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:13 PM

    @Eric Djemba-Djemba: why would he wrap him up in cotton wool when he had the whole summer off lol deluded

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    Mute Eric Djemba-Djemba
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    May 3rd 2018, 9:37 PM

    @Alana: why risk injuring your best player with nothing to play for at the end of season?

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 10:11 PM

    @Eric Djemba-Djemba: going by your logic Madrid will rest Ronaldo for every game bar the CL final then

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    Mute Ich bin brendan
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    May 3rd 2018, 11:59 PM

    @Alana: do you ever stop 20 comments on a Jose article and you took up 10 spouting absolute drivel

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    Mute Marko Polo
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    May 3rd 2018, 6:54 PM

    Great management. That will make his players warm to him even more.

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 6:30 PM

    So considerate of Jose

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    Mute Teddyzigzagbigbag
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    May 3rd 2018, 7:34 PM

    Story outta nothing again lads…..

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    Mute Alana
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    May 3rd 2018, 6:29 PM

    So

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    Mute Tricksy
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    May 4th 2018, 10:11 AM

    Makes no sense ? Mourinho is moaning when players have too much games , no rest he moans ? Yet he is playing guys who will be playing an extra month of World Cup in nothing games ! Bizzare

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    Mute Kevin Chip
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    May 4th 2018, 12:51 PM

    Nothing strange great man management

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