THIS IS OUR final column of 2024, so it’s time to hand out our awards for the sporting year that has been.
The Saipan award for Sub-Optimal Preparation of the Year – Scottie Scheffler being arrested
Scottie Scheffler went into this year’s PGA Championship in outrageous form, and shot an opening-round 67 to put himself in the mix. Could anyone stop him from winning a second-straight major? Er, yes.
Scheffler then mistakenly overtook a car accident on his way to the course ahead of his second round and ended up being arrested by a characteristically zealous cop. The world was then presented with the truly mad fact of a mugshot of the one of the most banal, God-fearing men on the planet.
Alamy Stock Photo
Alamy Stock Photo
He was released in time to make the first tee, where he then promptly shot a 64. His challenge faded on Saturday, though, with regular caddie Ted Scott leaving to attend his daughter’s high school graduation. Perhaps Scott is the real power behind the throne.
The Eamon Dunphy award for Inexactitude of the Year – Zach Johnson
Johnson has cut a harassed figure since captaining America so miserably at last year’s Ryder Cup, and this year he committed the mortal golfing sin by swearing at the fan-, sorry, patrons at the Masters. Johnson missed a double-bogey putt on the 12th green of his second round, and so tapped in for triple. As he picked up his ball, he heard the applause and reaction from the patrons in the grandstand around 150 yards away, and said, “Fuck off.”
“If I’ve said anything, which I’m not going to deny, especially if it’s on camera, one, I apologise, and two, it was fully directed towards myself entirely because I can’t hear anything behind me. Does that make sense?”
The FAI award for Oireachtas Committee Appearance of the Year – The FAI
The Galacticos of Democratic Oversight were at it again this year, as they trooped to government buildings to offer an explanation as to how CEO Jonathan Hill ended up with €11,500 paid in lieu of holidays not taken, in spite of the fact he claimed not to have asked for it.
Hill explained that it was all a misunderstood joke – his request for the holiday pay was a “throwaway line” in an email to a junior colleague on which the finance director was copied, who only went and took his boss seriously.
Hill repaid the money and in the hierarchy of past FAI controversies, this was very small fry – but the problems arose not in the act but in the explanation. We had the excruciating sight of the FAI chairman backing Hill before the Committee, but not the FAI president. Hill was gone from the FAI within a couple of months.
The Jake Paul v Mike Tyson Award for Surprise Heavyweight Clash of the Year – Revenue v GAA
A chill wind blows across the GAA this winter, with panic and confusion reigning among county boards about Revenue’s audits of Mayo, Galway, and Wexford, with the promise that all will eventually get their tap on the shoulder. Croke Park called an emergency meeting and it seems they will take control of the situation, but this is still a collision between two of the last-standing bastions of Irish life. Will the GAA emerge as a very different organisation at the end of it all?
The Jim Ratcliffe Award for Impact on Staff Morale – Damien Duff
Duff has been one of the stars of the year, and his guiding Shelbourne to the title is one of the best achievements in the history of Irish sport. Part of his appeal to us hacks, of course, is his sheer quotability, though he occasionally strayed a little too far.
“I would raze Abbotstown to the ground because it’s the most uninviting unenthusiastic workplace not in world football but in the world,” said Duff in July of FAI HQ. “I used to dread going in there once a month. So I’d level it and I would probably sack 90 per cent of the workforce.”
Advertisement
To his credit, Duff subsequently wrote a letter of apology to all FAI staff, saying his comments were “disrespectful” and “ridiculous.”
The Jim Ratcliffe Award for Best Marginal Gains of the Year – Mondo Duplantis
Duplantis was one of the stars of the Olympic Games, providing a stunning culmination to a night at the Stade de France by breaking his own world record in the pole vault. He then broke it again 10 days later. Duplantis has broken the record 10 times in total, raising the bar by one metre each time. Given athletes are paid $100,000 every time they break it, it’s in Duplantis’ interests to keep on edging upwards.
The George Costanza ‘Do You Still Work Here?’ Award – Harry Arter
Harry Arter left Nottingham Forest in June of this year, three-and-a-half years after he last made a first-team appearance for the club. He resisted Forest’s efforts to terminate the deal early – and given he was on a reported £40,000 a week, who could blame him.
The Greyhound Racing in Ireland Award for Baffling Level of State Funding – Greyhound Racing in Ireland
Another €19.8 million granted to greyhound racing by the Dáil this year, through the Horse and Greyhound Fund. New Zealand, meanwhile, are banning the sport.
The Angela Merkel Thinks We’re At Work award for Irish supporter humour – Dodgy Box and Firestick Guys
When it comes to the Irish men’s team at the moment, if you didn’t laugh you’d cry. So props to the fans who went to the Nations League game in Helsinki and decided to replace the ‘Sky’ on his Irish jersey.
The Kilkenny Football Award for Things Can Only Go Up from Here – Chicago White Sox
What a lousy year for the sports teams of Chicago, but none plumbed the depths of the White Sox in baseball, who this year posted the sport’s worst season record since 1899. Of 162 games played, the White Sox lost 121 of them. Given the season ran for 181 days, the White Sox lost a game on average every 36 hours this year.
The 2020 Lockdown Quiz Award for Maddest Zoom Call of the Year – Fifa
Gianni Infantino invites Fifa’s 211 members to acclaim Saudi Arabia as hosts of the 2034 World Cup with applause. A historic image that will not age well.
The ‘I’m The Gaffer’ Award for Phrase of the Year – Existing Contractual Obligations
Marc Canham became the public face of the FAI’s epic hunt for a senior men’s team head coach, and delivered its headline phrase in March when explaining that the next coach had been identified but could not be named publicly nor start work until April owing to their “existing contractual obligations”.
Hence a mad scramble among the press to solve the riddle, only for the whole thing to drag on until July. The FAI are thoroughly fed up of being asked about the search process, and insist both publicly and privately that Heimir Hallgrimsson was the OG candidate with the Existing Contractual Obligations. The annual quiz at the Soccer Writers association banquet featured a question asking for precisely this phrase, with Canham among the attendees. He will have got the answer correct, at least.
Best Prediction of the Year – Christopher Harrington
Kellie is the most famous sibling in the Harrington household but Christopher has built a good career for himself in football coaching, and in 2018 he had the answer to the question that so befuddled the rest of us throughout half of 2024.
Worst Prediction of the Year – Rio Ferdinand
Ferdinand has carved out a niche for himself as the most blithely cringe pundit on television, and this year he was recorded watching Vinicius in action for Real Madrid in the Champions League, babbling BALLON D’OR! BALLON D’OR! in a way that no other human being ever has before. And as it turns out, Rodri won the Ballon D’Or, with Real Madrid hurling their toys out of the pram by refusing to attend the awards ceremony.
McClean has stepped away from international duty but remains integral to Wrexham at club level, who are in the mix for promotion to the Championship. He did moonlight as a pundit on RTÉ during the summer, and managed to set the agenda in a way RTÉ pundits rarely do nowadays.
“For me, he’s not world class,” said McClean of one Declan Rice. “To me, world class is someone who gets in every side in the world. I don’t think he does that. I don’t think he gets in the Man City team ahead of Rodri.”
The comments made their way to Rice at the Euros, who did his best to remain diplomatic before adding, “It might be a bit of bitterness towards me not playing for Ireland, but I’ve not got a bad word to say about him, to be honest.”
McClean has since been vindicated, mind: Rice did not have a great Euros, and his form has waved a little for Arsenal this season too.
The Italia ’90 Award for Week of the Year – Ireland’s Week of Olympic Medals
So it turns out we are actually the kind of country that can win Olympic medals on a daily basis. In fairness, it will be a long, long time before we ever again experience our heady week in Paris.
On the first day Mona McSharry won bronze in the pool, before Daniel Wiffen returned the following day to win gold.
On the third day Kellie Harrington won her quarter final to guarantee another medal, and on the fourth day Philip Doyle and Daire Lynch dug out a bronze on the water. On the fifth day Paul O’Donovan and Fintan McCarthy successfully defended their gold medal and secured Paul’s status as our greatest ever Olympian.
On the sixth day Rhys McClenaghan conquered his demons to win gold on the pommel horse, and by the seventh day some of us were looking at Daniel Wiffen’s bronze medal and thinking, Huh, is that all?
Individually, all of the medals made sense, and many were entirely logical. Put them all together, though, and you have the kind of week that’s remembered for decades.
Sportsperson of the Year – Ken Weyand
Sportsperson of the Year could be any of our aforementioned Olympians, or it could be Duplantis, Dupont, or Leon Marchand. It could be Steph Curry or Simone Biles. It could be Rhasidat Adeleke or Sharlene Mawdsley or Katie Taylor. It could be Caelan Doris or Shane O’Donnell or Rian O’Neill. It could be Lamine Yamal or Rodri or Vinicius; Aitana Bonmati or Caroline Graham-Hansen or Salma Paralluelo. It could be Noah Lyles or Faith Kipyegon. It could be Scottie Scheffler or Xander Schauffele or Nelly Korda. It could be Max Verstappen or Patrick Mahomes or Luke Littler or Carlos Alcaraz or Iga Swiatek.
Given it’s so hard to choose, our sportsperson of the year is the hitherto mysterious figure of Ken Weyand.
Weyand works as the club pro at the golf club in Florida favoured by Michael Jordan, and it’s through his high-level connections that Weyand was included in the field for the Dubai Invitational on the European Tour at the start of the year.
In Dubai, Weyand shot 53-over par across four rounds, finishing 72 shots behind winner Tommy Fleetwood and 39 off Jens Dantorp, who finished second-last.
To you and I, Weyand is a bloody good golfer: he’s the pro at a prestigious club in Florida, after all. But Weyand is not an elite professional, but is one of our most talented envoys from the normal world. And in showing the gap between him and a man called Jens Dantorp, Weyand did us all a favour by reminding us of the insane levels of talent among even the lowly-ranked professionals competing on a global level.
In Ken Weyand, we have a sportsman who redeems everyone’s achievements this year, regardless of the sport.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
Close
Comments
This is YOUR comments community. Stay civil, stay constructive, stay on topic.
Please familiarise yourself with our comments policy
here
before taking part.
Best Phrase, Pundit, and Golfer to be Placed Under Arrest - The alternative end of year awards
THIS IS OUR final column of 2024, so it’s time to hand out our awards for the sporting year that has been.
The Saipan award for Sub-Optimal Preparation of the Year – Scottie Scheffler being arrested
Scottie Scheffler went into this year’s PGA Championship in outrageous form, and shot an opening-round 67 to put himself in the mix. Could anyone stop him from winning a second-straight major? Er, yes.
Scheffler then mistakenly overtook a car accident on his way to the course ahead of his second round and ended up being arrested by a characteristically zealous cop. The world was then presented with the truly mad fact of a mugshot of the one of the most banal, God-fearing men on the planet.
He was released in time to make the first tee, where he then promptly shot a 64. His challenge faded on Saturday, though, with regular caddie Ted Scott leaving to attend his daughter’s high school graduation. Perhaps Scott is the real power behind the throne.
The Eamon Dunphy award for Inexactitude of the Year – Zach Johnson
Johnson has cut a harassed figure since captaining America so miserably at last year’s Ryder Cup, and this year he committed the mortal golfing sin by swearing at the fan-, sorry, patrons at the Masters. Johnson missed a double-bogey putt on the 12th green of his second round, and so tapped in for triple. As he picked up his ball, he heard the applause and reaction from the patrons in the grandstand around 150 yards away, and said, “Fuck off.”
Johnson’s explanation wasn’t exactly crystal-clear.
“If I’ve said anything, which I’m not going to deny, especially if it’s on camera, one, I apologise, and two, it was fully directed towards myself entirely because I can’t hear anything behind me. Does that make sense?”
The FAI award for Oireachtas Committee Appearance of the Year – The FAI
The Galacticos of Democratic Oversight were at it again this year, as they trooped to government buildings to offer an explanation as to how CEO Jonathan Hill ended up with €11,500 paid in lieu of holidays not taken, in spite of the fact he claimed not to have asked for it.
Hill explained that it was all a misunderstood joke – his request for the holiday pay was a “throwaway line” in an email to a junior colleague on which the finance director was copied, who only went and took his boss seriously.
Hill repaid the money and in the hierarchy of past FAI controversies, this was very small fry – but the problems arose not in the act but in the explanation. We had the excruciating sight of the FAI chairman backing Hill before the Committee, but not the FAI president. Hill was gone from the FAI within a couple of months.
The Jake Paul v Mike Tyson Award for Surprise Heavyweight Clash of the Year – Revenue v GAA
A chill wind blows across the GAA this winter, with panic and confusion reigning among county boards about Revenue’s audits of Mayo, Galway, and Wexford, with the promise that all will eventually get their tap on the shoulder. Croke Park called an emergency meeting and it seems they will take control of the situation, but this is still a collision between two of the last-standing bastions of Irish life. Will the GAA emerge as a very different organisation at the end of it all?
The Jim Ratcliffe Award for Impact on Staff Morale – Damien Duff
Duff has been one of the stars of the year, and his guiding Shelbourne to the title is one of the best achievements in the history of Irish sport. Part of his appeal to us hacks, of course, is his sheer quotability, though he occasionally strayed a little too far.
“I would raze Abbotstown to the ground because it’s the most uninviting unenthusiastic workplace not in world football but in the world,” said Duff in July of FAI HQ. “I used to dread going in there once a month. So I’d level it and I would probably sack 90 per cent of the workforce.”
To his credit, Duff subsequently wrote a letter of apology to all FAI staff, saying his comments were “disrespectful” and “ridiculous.”
The Jim Ratcliffe Award for Best Marginal Gains of the Year – Mondo Duplantis
Duplantis was one of the stars of the Olympic Games, providing a stunning culmination to a night at the Stade de France by breaking his own world record in the pole vault. He then broke it again 10 days later. Duplantis has broken the record 10 times in total, raising the bar by one metre each time. Given athletes are paid $100,000 every time they break it, it’s in Duplantis’ interests to keep on edging upwards.
The George Costanza ‘Do You Still Work Here?’ Award – Harry Arter
Harry Arter left Nottingham Forest in June of this year, three-and-a-half years after he last made a first-team appearance for the club. He resisted Forest’s efforts to terminate the deal early – and given he was on a reported £40,000 a week, who could blame him.
The Greyhound Racing in Ireland Award for Baffling Level of State Funding – Greyhound Racing in Ireland
Another €19.8 million granted to greyhound racing by the Dáil this year, through the Horse and Greyhound Fund. New Zealand, meanwhile, are banning the sport.
The Angela Merkel Thinks We’re At Work award for Irish supporter humour – Dodgy Box and Firestick Guys
When it comes to the Irish men’s team at the moment, if you didn’t laugh you’d cry. So props to the fans who went to the Nations League game in Helsinki and decided to replace the ‘Sky’ on his Irish jersey.
The Kilkenny Football Award for Things Can Only Go Up from Here – Chicago White Sox
What a lousy year for the sports teams of Chicago, but none plumbed the depths of the White Sox in baseball, who this year posted the sport’s worst season record since 1899. Of 162 games played, the White Sox lost 121 of them. Given the season ran for 181 days, the White Sox lost a game on average every 36 hours this year.
The 2020 Lockdown Quiz Award for Maddest Zoom Call of the Year – Fifa
Gianni Infantino invites Fifa’s 211 members to acclaim Saudi Arabia as hosts of the 2034 World Cup with applause. A historic image that will not age well.
The ‘I’m The Gaffer’ Award for Phrase of the Year – Existing Contractual Obligations
Marc Canham became the public face of the FAI’s epic hunt for a senior men’s team head coach, and delivered its headline phrase in March when explaining that the next coach had been identified but could not be named publicly nor start work until April owing to their “existing contractual obligations”.
Hence a mad scramble among the press to solve the riddle, only for the whole thing to drag on until July. The FAI are thoroughly fed up of being asked about the search process, and insist both publicly and privately that Heimir Hallgrimsson was the OG candidate with the Existing Contractual Obligations. The annual quiz at the Soccer Writers association banquet featured a question asking for precisely this phrase, with Canham among the attendees. He will have got the answer correct, at least.
Best Prediction of the Year – Christopher Harrington
Kellie is the most famous sibling in the Harrington household but Christopher has built a good career for himself in football coaching, and in 2018 he had the answer to the question that so befuddled the rest of us throughout half of 2024.
Worst Prediction of the Year – Rio Ferdinand
Ferdinand has carved out a niche for himself as the most blithely cringe pundit on television, and this year he was recorded watching Vinicius in action for Real Madrid in the Champions League, babbling BALLON D’OR! BALLON D’OR! in a way that no other human being ever has before. And as it turns out, Rodri won the Ballon D’Or, with Real Madrid hurling their toys out of the pram by refusing to attend the awards ceremony.
Best Punditry of the Year – James McClean
McClean has stepped away from international duty but remains integral to Wrexham at club level, who are in the mix for promotion to the Championship. He did moonlight as a pundit on RTÉ during the summer, and managed to set the agenda in a way RTÉ pundits rarely do nowadays.
“For me, he’s not world class,” said McClean of one Declan Rice. “To me, world class is someone who gets in every side in the world. I don’t think he does that. I don’t think he gets in the Man City team ahead of Rodri.”
The comments made their way to Rice at the Euros, who did his best to remain diplomatic before adding, “It might be a bit of bitterness towards me not playing for Ireland, but I’ve not got a bad word to say about him, to be honest.”
McClean has since been vindicated, mind: Rice did not have a great Euros, and his form has waved a little for Arsenal this season too.
The Italia ’90 Award for Week of the Year – Ireland’s Week of Olympic Medals
So it turns out we are actually the kind of country that can win Olympic medals on a daily basis. In fairness, it will be a long, long time before we ever again experience our heady week in Paris.
On the first day Mona McSharry won bronze in the pool, before Daniel Wiffen returned the following day to win gold.
On the third day Kellie Harrington won her quarter final to guarantee another medal, and on the fourth day Philip Doyle and Daire Lynch dug out a bronze on the water. On the fifth day Paul O’Donovan and Fintan McCarthy successfully defended their gold medal and secured Paul’s status as our greatest ever Olympian.
On the sixth day Rhys McClenaghan conquered his demons to win gold on the pommel horse, and by the seventh day some of us were looking at Daniel Wiffen’s bronze medal and thinking, Huh, is that all?
Individually, all of the medals made sense, and many were entirely logical. Put them all together, though, and you have the kind of week that’s remembered for decades.
Sportsperson of the Year – Ken Weyand
Sportsperson of the Year could be any of our aforementioned Olympians, or it could be Duplantis, Dupont, or Leon Marchand. It could be Steph Curry or Simone Biles. It could be Rhasidat Adeleke or Sharlene Mawdsley or Katie Taylor. It could be Caelan Doris or Shane O’Donnell or Rian O’Neill. It could be Lamine Yamal or Rodri or Vinicius; Aitana Bonmati or Caroline Graham-Hansen or Salma Paralluelo. It could be Noah Lyles or Faith Kipyegon. It could be Scottie Scheffler or Xander Schauffele or Nelly Korda. It could be Max Verstappen or Patrick Mahomes or Luke Littler or Carlos Alcaraz or Iga Swiatek.
Given it’s so hard to choose, our sportsperson of the year is the hitherto mysterious figure of Ken Weyand.
Weyand works as the club pro at the golf club in Florida favoured by Michael Jordan, and it’s through his high-level connections that Weyand was included in the field for the Dubai Invitational on the European Tour at the start of the year.
In Dubai, Weyand shot 53-over par across four rounds, finishing 72 shots behind winner Tommy Fleetwood and 39 off Jens Dantorp, who finished second-last.
To you and I, Weyand is a bloody good golfer: he’s the pro at a prestigious club in Florida, after all. But Weyand is not an elite professional, but is one of our most talented envoys from the normal world. And in showing the gap between him and a man called Jens Dantorp, Weyand did us all a favour by reminding us of the insane levels of talent among even the lowly-ranked professionals competing on a global level.
In Ken Weyand, we have a sportsman who redeems everyone’s achievements this year, regardless of the sport.
Thanks for reading this year – see you in 2025.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
column