THIS IS IT.
Those were Ellen Keane’s initial thoughts as she woke up this morning. She was retiring from competitive swimming at her fifth and final Paralympic Games, bringing the curtain down on a glittering career.
But she also woke up knowing it was also big day for Nicole Turner, her team-mate, room-mate and close friend so she had to keep her emotions in check.
Keane relinquished her SB8 100m breaststroke crown on Friday, coming a gut-wrenching fourth in her main event. This was a “carefree” retirement race as the 29-year-old Dubliner returned to her backstroke roots.
“Even last night I said to Nicole before I got into bed, ‘Why cant I just keep swimming and do events that don’t matter, getting in like you are a kid,” an emotional Keane said after finishing sixth in her S9 100m backstroke heat, and 12th overall.
“That’s what this race was: when you are a kid, and just excited to get in and swim, and who knows what will happen. That swim was more for little Ellen than it was for anyone else.”
This morning went slowly. She felt like she was in the moment and taking everything in. There was time for reflection warming up and putting on her racing suit at La Défense Arena. There were tears. There were jokes.
“What if I come last?” she said to her coach Hayley Burke. That was a high possibility, given she held the second-slowest entry time.
She cried in her last call room, having shared it with team-mate Barry McClements before watching him reach a final. He was one of four Irish swimmers to do so, with Nicole Turner, Dearbhaile Brady and Róisín Ní Riain also going again tonight.
Keane walked out for the last time in a green jacket. She waved up to Irish fans holding tricolours and leapt into the pool.
The story of the race? Strong start. Sixth and the turn. Sixth at the wall.
“Don’t come last,” she told herself in the latter stages. She didn’t, her 1:17.63 enough to see her home ahead of Elena Kliachkina, competing under the neutral flag.
Out of the pool and straight over to her partner, Max Doyle, for a big hug. Her parents Laura and Eddie, and brother Graham, were among others watching on.
“Really proud of that swim,” Keane told The 42 afterwards. “It was really fun, it hurt a lot but today has been really special.
“As hard as it was coming fourth, I was getting so much love and support from everyone, that’s really what helped me. It was so lovely to see the people who made the effort who reached out, all of my Dancing with the Stars family were on to me and it was really lovely to see the people I have outside of sport as well.
“I guess that has kind of been my biggest fear, in the Paralympic world, I have found my space and I’m so able to be myself here without a care in the world. And I really hope that when I leave the sport, I’m able to find somewhere I love as much as I loved this.”
This has been her life for over 20 years. She was tested by anti-doping for the first time when she was 10, and raced at her first Paralympics in Beijing aged 13. It has been a whirlwind of ups and downs, highs and lows, and has given her so much.
Keane’s life would be “very different” without swimming.
“I definitely don’t think I’d have the confidence I do,” she said. “I was really lucky to get involved when I did.
“I know people who are roughly the same age, maybe a little bit older or younger, who have disabilities as well and they are struggling with their self-confidence and their self-acceptance. I know I got that from swimming and that’s why I’m so passionate about talking about it and talking about inclusion and confidence and body positivity because at the end of the day, the feelings we all have are human.
“Just because we look a bit different doesn’t mean we don’t understand those human emotions. I just try to keep talking about that and repeat that message. I know I wouldn’t be as confident as I am without sport, without swimming.”
Keane will take to the pool again, but not to this level. She’s excited to try new things — she has spoken about pursuing a media career and enjoying yoga and running. She might even just float in the water sometimes.
The highlight?
“I don’t know. Every Games is different.
“Tokyo was the highlight for me professionally because I did reach the top. I had the swim of my life that everyone looks for, but I guess these Games are probably my highlight in terms of feeling the team and feeling the love.”
That was evident as she met her family afterwards: more tears, but plenty of celebrations, and the day will continue in that vein.
The end of an era, but the start of another for a true Paralympic icon.
