CJ STANDER DOES not want your pity. “I experienced that after the World Cup,” he says, pausing for effect. “That was the worst part.”
He came home from Japan, where Ireland had failed to live up to expectations, sensed something was wrong but couldn’t figure out precisely what it was.
So he went for a walk down the street. People greeted him, “feeling sorry for me” and that was when he knew he had to investigate things a little further. By now, the issue of losing a World Cup quarter-final had been relegated into second place.
Something deeper was going on. Trolls had abused his wife, Jean-Marié, on social media. “I would not say I am living in a dream-world but suddenly if people are feeling sorry for you, you don’t know what’s (going on),” Stander says, before pausing again, drawing a deep breath, keeping his eyes down, his head forward. He speaks on. “As a player, you try your best on the pitch. You try for the lads around you.
“I do a job that is out there. People need to judge me. I get that. You do a job on a Saturday and it’s a job where people scrutinise your performance. That is fair. You just have to handle that. But as soon as you take on a man’s family.”
He shakes his head, looks up and goes again.
“For me it is tough when people start attacking your family on social media because I believe that if you take on a man’s wife and you can’t do it in front of him then …. mmmm, there is a line there that you step over. That might be my South African side coming through. But that raises a hair on my neck.”
Did the abuse happen during the World Cup?
“My wife was trying to hide it but when I got back (from Japan) I saw that it had impacted (her) a little bit. But she is a strong woman. I think she handled it well. She can stand up for herself. She didn’t study law for nothing. She is a tough one. That is why I like her.”
There’s no point wasting your time searching for an excuse to try and justify this type of behaviour.
The context is this. Everyone has dreams in life. Stander grew up wanting to be a rugby player, Jean-Marié hoping to be a lawyer. But what type of person dreams of turning into a troll? And how does that notion become a reality? How do they transfer their anger, possibly their self-loathing, into an action where they go to their phone or keyboard, pick out a stranger and decide this is someone they want to vent their anger at?
How do those people feel now reading this? Does it make them embarrassed or ashamed? Will it make them think twice about doing something like this again, not just to the Stander family but to anyone?
There’s an onus also on the rest of us – and not just those inhabiting this fanciful circle called the mainstream media. We now all know something hurtful was said to the Stander family. They’re South African by birth but have chosen to live here. They – and all visitors – are either made welcome by us or else the trolls are the winners.
This is the choice we face.
As for Stander, his primary concerns are a little more focused on beating Wales this Saturday in round two of the Six Nations. Since the World Cup, his position in the team has been questioned, his response coming last Saturday, when he won the man-of-the-match award against the Scots.
Being held to account is something that goes with the territory. He can handle it – ‘especially when other players are performing well in your position’. “Then it is fair, the scrutiny. There is always going to be someone saying that I could do stuff better. I accept that.”
Even the passionate outbursts from the terraces are acceptable, he says. “I understand all that, too, because I know where they are coming from,” he says. “I mean if I want the best for the team then (it’s logical that) people who support the team want the best, too. People are passionate and when the team doesn’t do well they surely think they have to voice their opinion.
“Life has changed. Social media got out there and everyone has an opinion. We probably need to deal with it differently and not let it have an impact on you. But sometimes it touches close to home and then it gets tough.”
As a project player, he’s asked if he feels more likely to be the recipient of a backlash but doesn’t necessarily feel this is the case, accepting that some people may not like the rule (whereby he became eligible to play for Ireland on the back of being resident here for three years). “I do speak to other guys (project players such as Bundee Aki).
“And didn’t Bundee get a lot of slack as well? It’s something that we take in and then when guys perform on the pitch like Bundee did at the weekend, you look at it again and just laugh about it on a Sunday morning.”
The biggest laugh, however, came at his expense. Another troll called him ‘fat’ last week. “That was a funny one,” he says.
“Look, it’s like this, every time I play, I always feel that I have got a point to prove. It is just the way of the game. If you have one or two bad appearances (performances) or one or two bad moments in a game then people will suddenly ask for you to be axed and to be out the door. You get told you are getting old. I see someone called me fat as well during the week. That’s quite interesting.
“Look, for me personally, I want to give everything for this team when I can. I have learned in this game, and I have said this a lot, you never know when your last game is coming around. I’ll always give everything.”
Will he ever change? Fat chance of that.
Quality player, very surprised he was dropped.
I’d be very surprised if he was dropped in the first place as he needed match time. He’s better than Jager in all facets that I’ve seen, scrum, maul and as we’ve all seen, in the lose. Jager, just not seeing it with him especially scrum. Am I missing something???
@Noel Lynn: Bealham is certainly well ahead of Jager and all other TH (Furlong apart) in Ireland, but I think Jager is doing a better job than you’re giving credit for. He’s been very good at scrum time for munster, especially when he came up against Porter, and was solid against Wales. His ruck defense was excellent both clearing and counter rucking and his goal line defense was superb. His lineout work wasn’t up to scratch IMO and he still needs to improve his S&C but he’s certainly got a high ceiling and a great addition to our TH stock.
@Noel Lynn: Short answer – yes
Easily the best TH after Furlong, who seems to have recovered some of his previous form. Great to have several options here between Furlong, Bealham, O’Toole and Jager. The order is not important as they are all playing well at the moment.
Literally no one else is suprised.
@Thesaltyurchin: I’m surprised, arguably pushing Furlong for a starting spot
Bealham is a quality player but I think it’s getting a bit clearer that farrell and his coaches are huge fans of jager. To go from the ‘training squad’ to the verge of the 1st choice 23 over a couple of weeks is pretty phenomenonal
@munsterman: jager has plenty to work on to over take Bealham. He may not have over taken TO’T yet, so 1 step at a time.
@Patrick O’Sullivan: well I’ve never seen farrell move so quickly to promote a player in a meaningful match. Even players like Joe Mccarthy and crowley had to put in their time in camp for a year or so. There’s every chance that bealham will be back-up th v England but you wouldn’t bet on it
@munsterman: There’s every chance that Bealham will start and Jager on the bench if Furlong injured.
@Con Cussed: yea that’d be the most likely scenario I’d imagine. It’s quite tough on otoole who’s been very good for Ireland too
@munsterman: Agreed. It just means the pressure is now on all four to keep the momentum up. It’s a tough position and injuries abound so can see them all getting a chance in the future.
This could mean Furlong has an injury concern… I hope not!
Has anyone authoritative said that Bealham was dropped? As far as I recall the mood music before the Welsh game was that Bealham had proved himself across a number of matches to be no great step down from Furlong; and that Farrell was taking advantage of a game we were almost certain to win to have a look at Jäger off the bench.
Depressing stuff
@Kevin Ryan: when have we ever seen farrell use a competitive game to just have a look at a player? The only time he ever changes up his side much is v the most tier2 of tier2 nations in Nov or else gets A games set up
@munsterman: Giving a guy a debut as a bench prop is not really changing the side much, though. And if he didn’t pick this game, he’d have to wait until the Autumn, assuming SA too strong. Anyways, we’ll see what Farrell does with the selection for the England game.
The story around Bealham is a bit of a head scratcher. Why was he dropped? Some say he needed time off as a new dad. Personally I believe the coaches think Jager is a better prop. When your coach uses faint praise to describe your last performance then you are in trouble. I think Farrell described Bealham’s last outing as “decent enough”. In all these scenarios the public never gets a true picture until someone writes a book.
@Tom Reilly: I seem to have missed him saying that about Bealham – was that in a press conference? I checked the post Italy match press conference again to refresh my memory, and Faz was effusive in his praise of the set piece, calling it excellent and top notch, so I’m surprised he would then be naming Finlay as not being a top performer. A lot of media said that Finlay was doing as much as he could possibly do to challenge Furlong for the starting berth on the back of his performance against Italy, so I don’t think I’m the only one who thought he performed excellent in that match.
@Tom Reilly: ah, I heard it now – it was from the pre-Wales match conference. To be honest, the way I hear it, it seemed more so saying that Oli deserved a chance in spite of Bealham having a decent performance. TBH, I think he couldn’t say “Wales’ scrum is poor so this is the best chance to give Oli a tryout in the six nations window”, so has to justify it on the basis of competition for places. If he said Finlay was excellent, then he would effectively be needing to say that Oli is even better, which would be a huge amount of pressure to put on a debutant. So, he kind of has to nearly qualify Bealham’s performance so as not to put down Wales.
@JoeVlogs: As I said earlier it is hard to know what exactly is going on. I think most people think Bealham did not deserve to be dropped from a playing point of view. Maybe something else is going on.
The euphemism that Alex Ferguson developed to replace “dropped” was “rotated.” The image that most of us have of a “dropped” player is of someone so bad in the last match that they had to be replaced. Sometimes it is about building squad depth, other times you were the Lions captain last week and this week not in the 23 – an utterly unexplainable event.
I suspect that Furlong has twinged his hamstring. If Furlong is out, Bealham absolutely starts ahead of Jager – and we all know that.
@PatN: I meant calf not hamstring
Bealham should be pushing Furlong for a starting position not getting dropped
When was the last v good game from Furlong?
@Derek Casserly: Last week!
There is much debate about the word “dropped” concerning Bealham. Was he or wasn’t he dropped. IMO if a player is available for selection, has been selected everytime he is available and then he is not selected, then he is indeed deemed “dropped”.
Let’s stop using the word “dropped”. To play at elite level you need a squad of 35 players and the ability to get game time into all of them. ( let’s not repeat RWC errors from the past). Rotatated is a much better word.