CJ STANDER DOES not want your pity. “I experienced that after the World Cup,” he says, pausing for effect. “That was the worst part.”
He came home from Japan, where Ireland had failed to live up to expectations, sensed something was wrong but couldn’t figure out precisely what it was.
So he went for a walk down the street. People greeted him, “feeling sorry for me” and that was when he knew he had to investigate things a little further. By now, the issue of losing a World Cup quarter-final had been relegated into second place.
Something deeper was going on. Trolls had abused his wife, Jean-Marié, on social media. “I would not say I am living in a dream-world but suddenly if people are feeling sorry for you, you don’t know what’s (going on),” Stander says, before pausing again, drawing a deep breath, keeping his eyes down, his head forward. He speaks on. “As a player, you try your best on the pitch. You try for the lads around you.
“I do a job that is out there. People need to judge me. I get that. You do a job on a Saturday and it’s a job where people scrutinise your performance. That is fair. You just have to handle that. But as soon as you take on a man’s family.”
He shakes his head, looks up and goes again.
“For me it is tough when people start attacking your family on social media because I believe that if you take on a man’s wife and you can’t do it in front of him then …. mmmm, there is a line there that you step over. That might be my South African side coming through. But that raises a hair on my neck.”
Did the abuse happen during the World Cup?
“My wife was trying to hide it but when I got back (from Japan) I saw that it had impacted (her) a little bit. But she is a strong woman. I think she handled it well. She can stand up for herself. She didn’t study law for nothing. She is a tough one. That is why I like her.”
There’s no point wasting your time searching for an excuse to try and justify this type of behaviour.
The context is this. Everyone has dreams in life. Stander grew up wanting to be a rugby player, Jean-Marié hoping to be a lawyer. But what type of person dreams of turning into a troll? And how does that notion become a reality? How do they transfer their anger, possibly their self-loathing, into an action where they go to their phone or keyboard, pick out a stranger and decide this is someone they want to vent their anger at?
How do those people feel now reading this? Does it make them embarrassed or ashamed? Will it make them think twice about doing something like this again, not just to the Stander family but to anyone?
There’s an onus also on the rest of us – and not just those inhabiting this fanciful circle called the mainstream media. We now all know something hurtful was said to the Stander family. They’re South African by birth but have chosen to live here. They – and all visitors – are either made welcome by us or else the trolls are the winners.
This is the choice we face.
As for Stander, his primary concerns are a little more focused on beating Wales this Saturday in round two of the Six Nations. Since the World Cup, his position in the team has been questioned, his response coming last Saturday, when he won the man-of-the-match award against the Scots.
Being held to account is something that goes with the territory. He can handle it – ‘especially when other players are performing well in your position’. “Then it is fair, the scrutiny. There is always going to be someone saying that I could do stuff better. I accept that.”
Even the passionate outbursts from the terraces are acceptable, he says. “I understand all that, too, because I know where they are coming from,” he says. “I mean if I want the best for the team then (it’s logical that) people who support the team want the best, too. People are passionate and when the team doesn’t do well they surely think they have to voice their opinion.
“Life has changed. Social media got out there and everyone has an opinion. We probably need to deal with it differently and not let it have an impact on you. But sometimes it touches close to home and then it gets tough.”
As a project player, he’s asked if he feels more likely to be the recipient of a backlash but doesn’t necessarily feel this is the case, accepting that some people may not like the rule (whereby he became eligible to play for Ireland on the back of being resident here for three years). “I do speak to other guys (project players such as Bundee Aki).
“And didn’t Bundee get a lot of slack as well? It’s something that we take in and then when guys perform on the pitch like Bundee did at the weekend, you look at it again and just laugh about it on a Sunday morning.”
The biggest laugh, however, came at his expense. Another troll called him ‘fat’ last week. “That was a funny one,” he says.
“Look, it’s like this, every time I play, I always feel that I have got a point to prove. It is just the way of the game. If you have one or two bad appearances (performances) or one or two bad moments in a game then people will suddenly ask for you to be axed and to be out the door. You get told you are getting old. I see someone called me fat as well during the week. That’s quite interesting.
“Look, for me personally, I want to give everything for this team when I can. I have learned in this game, and I have said this a lot, you never know when your last game is coming around. I’ll always give everything.”
Will he ever change? Fat chance of that.
Fair play to Stander for coming out on this. I think there is definitely an issue in this country with how we treat players. So many out there don’t see them as people at all and hide behind this idea of them being professionals as if that’s an excuse to say whatever you want about them, ignoring the fact that they’re literally putting their bodies on the line for our entertainment. Criticism can be fair enough when given in the right manner and respectfully but that’s a foreign concept to many. And anyone that goes after their families is as pathetic as it gets, they’re not fans or supporters, they’re people with serious problems. Also interesting comment on it only taking 1 or 2 below average performances before their heads are called for, Healy is the perfect example after last weekend.
@Paddy: Very true but unfortunately not only in this country. I see in France that Rugbyrama has closed down the comments section in the last few weeks due to continual inappropriate comments.
@Jack Hackett: We see it on here too. Earlier in the week someone was writing what at best was a profanity about Farrell and mentioning his wife. I wonder if they apply the same high standards to themselves when things don’t go right? Thanks to the 42 for removing it quickly.
They are poor uneducated (in the broadest sense) and sick individuals. Let’s call them out and not accept such postings.
@Paddy: I’m not saying it’s right nor do I agree with it but Jean Marie stander brought the abuse on herself by reacting to tweets about cj in the first place… By giving the trolls a response you’re basically opening a can of worms for yourself
@Michael Oats: you are as bad as the trolls with your victim blaming.
@John Buckley: he’s not as bad as them but while it’s not her fault for getting involved people shouldn’t give these trolls oxygen by replying to them. Just report and delete/block them. Some people really do bring it on themselves by interacting with these idiots
@Paddy: very well put! People have very short memories.
@John Buckley: sorry John I didn’t realise you were part of the snowflake generation. I’ll be more p.c. with my comments next time
@Michael Oats: That’s a good idea too!
@Michael Oats: typical response by a troll and defender of fellow troll: call people, who defend your victim, snowflakes.
@Michael Oats: utter garbage.
@Michael Oats: absolutely moronic logic.
@John Buckley: have you even looked at her Twitter page to look at why she got people slating the team/players after their abysmal showing at the world cup. Yes players were getting abuse but so much hope had been put in them and fans were left disappointed. A lot of other wags weren’t craving the attention and rose above the abusive posters. As I said I don’t agree with going after families but when family members bite back they better be prepared for the fall out of that too
@Dino Baggio: totally right about not replying to trolls. (Not that it excuses any abuse CJ’s wife had.) I learned not to respond the hard way in my line of work. An unfanned flame dies. Given oxygen, it grows.
On another note, I’d pay good money to see some of the trolls say to CJ’s face what they wrote about his wife. Or about him being fat!
@Michael Oats: I don’t care what she puts on Twitter because, unlike you, I am not looking for an excuse to abuse her. You seem to think she should ignore it but you can’t do the same with her comments. Why don’t you practice what you preach troll.
Seems to me that it’s the foreign born players that receive most of the vitriol. Uv had Kleyn, bent & now stander coming out and talking about it while recently in Wales uv also had anscombe & Halaholo coming out and talking about the abuse they’ve been receiving. It’s not just the trolls either, uv journalists in the media fueling the fire for trolls and giving the anti foreigner stance legitimacy. The thing is that the residency & granny rules have been around for decades bt with the current climate the foreign lad is the easiest target.I get fellas like dunne and heaslip will want their own men in the jersey but people criticising stander haven’t a brain cell between them, he’s the one lad who gives everything & has been one of, if not the best player in green for the last 12 months.
@Jim Demps: but its ok for doctors on the sideline to abuse players about their weight like you said a couple of months ago? Double standards much?
@Jim Demps: You’re one to be talking. You’ve been throwing Healy under a bus in most rugby articles since last weekend based on a few dubious scrum penalties.
@Wheresmyjumper: Doctor said it to his face, do you understand the difference?
@Rocky Raccoon: not sure if you read the article but I’d say you’re missing the point of it. These lads expect to be scrutinised for their work, it’s part of it. They don’t expect themselves or their family to be personally abused.
@Pretty Ladee: That’s the type of comment that spurs these people on! There’s no place for such personal attacks, irrespective of what the person earns. It’s a sport, just enjoy it!
I wonder if it was the Munster medic who called him fat?
@Alistair Fyffe: No, because he isn’t. He only provides this life saving service to genuine chubby chops.
@Pretty Ladee: Part and parcel??
He doesn’t get paid to take abuse, he gets paid to play rugby.
@Hector Son: unfortunate it’s part and parcel of modern day society whether we like it or not. I’ve been called a lot worse. Perhaps CJ needs to find a career away from the media. Get on with it folks.
@Ray Ridge: except nowhere does he complain about getting abuse himself, his issue is his wife, who does not have a career in the media, getting abuse. Way to miss the point.
Bunch of rats. He was up there with Larmour as our best players in the World Cup. His commitment and work ethic is second to none.
Project players are always subject to such abuse and nasty comments from Bundee to CJ to Jared Payne to Jean Kleyn. They’re deemed awful after an average performance and rarely get the credit they deserve after huge performances.
Hate the residency rule if you will but celebrate anyone who represents your country with respect.
Unfortunately shows the racist and arrogant side of Ireland and the rugby following.
They’ve no personal connections in the media unlike a lot of homegrown players like a few Leinster players in the Independent or Irish times , Munster players with commenters like Quinlan for certain guys and even Ferris for Ulster.
@John Carey: just had more or less the same take on it as you. It’s v demoralising to see that in 2020 there’s still lads at it. “ I’m not a racist but…..”
@Jim Demps: there’s a massive difference in racism and wanting home grown players to be in an Irish side over a project player who was paid to come here and play rugby.
@Chris Mc: suppose you will be the first person to be outraged and criticize when James Lowe makes his Irish debut over a player like balcoune, or Daly Chris you will??
@Chris Mc: not all people who have that opinion are racist but all racists have that opinion.
@guineon: I’m not outraged at all by Cj or any other player who comes here and puts his heart into playing for Ireland. What I said is its not racist to want a local player in the team over a project player.
@Pretty Ladee: You are an example of what’s wrong with this country. Full of ill-conceived self entitlement.
Anyone that goes after a players wife or even attacks them personally had something wing with them. CJ never gives less than 100%, one of our most physical players and I loved it when he burst on the scene. When he arrived on the scene first we had heaslip and SOB and probably heaslip more than anything gave that whole backline balance. My only issue with him is his lack of skills when it comes to passing/offloading and his awareness of space when attacking opportunities present themselves. Nothing personal and nothing to do with his family
@Dino Baggio: It just feels like the same people who have an issue with CJ’s lack of passing and offloading never offered the same criticism for SOB despite him undeniably being worse at both skills.
He was heralded as being world class (rightly so) for the skills he excelled at, while with Stander it’s always a focus on what he doesn’t bring rather than his strengths.
@Rochelle: firstly the game has changed and is moving away for Smashing through brick walls as SOB did. So a skill that was heralded 6 or 7 years ago my not be that important now.
Noone can honestly question the effort and workload of Cj. He’s easily in the top 2 or 3 we had if not the best.
What can be questioned is does the team get the best return for his work.
For instance when he makes a break does he get the ball away to an Irish player? Would it be more effective to add a pass sometimes rather than carry into contact.
Again CJ is one of our very best players but there’s not a player on the planet who can’t improve.
@Chris Mc: I’m not sure I’d agree with that Chris, South Africa weren’t too bothered about bringing a weapon like kolbe into the game much. They decided that they were going to smash their way to a world cup. Wales got pretty close to them in the semi final by kicking the leather off the ball and defending. It’s easy enough to criticise stander but he did make a good break and there was no supporting player near him and its not like other players in the Irish team are looking to offload the ball
@Tim Magner: Exactly…. Offload the ball to whom? Another reason Cooney should be starting. Its no coincidence he scores so many tries. He runs fabulous lines always on the shoulder of the ball carrier.
@Rochelle: I can sympathise with that view point too tbf, I do think having a player like heaslip marshalling things there meant we probably managed better with that limited game plan. Playing CJ at 8 just can’t work at any level for me, I think playing 6 he could be very usefull if we can find that balance in the rest of the backrow with either 7 or 8 being a lineout option (Ideally you want 6 and 8 to be options but CJ isn’t really one imo) and 7 and 8 being able to pass and spot attacking opportunities and give it out to the backs when its on. It’s all about balance and I don’t know if we have the backrows fit at the minute to give that balance. I’d never question his commitment or his eligibility for Ireland though.
@Tim Magner: SA are one of the few teams in the world with players if a size that can make that game plan successful imo. Re nobody being there for a stander offload, why would they bother when they 100% know the offload isnt coming, they were probably just holding their line getting ready to set up the and clean out the ruck. Thats probably the whole point of it, he doesn’t pass or offload so players won’t support him and everything slows down again, if that was a thinking back row player looking for the space once he made his break you can be guaranteed players would be busting a gut to get on his shoulder.
@Dino Baggio:
The lack of offloading can be frustrating to watch, and limits our attacking options.
It’s probably more noticeable with CJ because he carries a lot.
However, when you’ve been playing under an international coach who discourages offloads, then it probably takes time for all the players (re)familiarise themselves with the concept.
It’s clear we need more of a cutting edge,and offloading will be a big part of that.
They do it well enough for the provinces, they just need to be encouraged to do the same for Ireland.
@Dino Baggio: so tell me what forwards on this Irish team are known for their off loading games or have done it recently? Whether he off loads or not, players should be bursting a gut to keep up with him to clean out the ruck and produce quick ball, that’s even more important than a flash off load that looks good to the eye but in heavy traffic can be a stupid high risk move. Luckily standers strength means he’s rarely turned over but it leads to slow ball because some of the other forwards haven’t done their job properly
@Brian McAll: CJ doesn’t pass or offload for Munster really either but he’s been playing under SA coaches for the last few years there so that might be the problem. It could actually be a problem with Murray and some of the other Munster players coming into Ireland camp too. I don’t think we have the players of a size that will allow us to be competitive playing that attritional type of Rugby though so I’m constantly hoping we see a more rounded game plan utilizing quick passing, offloads, grubber kicks, field position kicks as well as straight one out running when appropriate.
@Tim Magner: I’d agree with that to an extent but I think Irelands forwards clear out work is actually usually pretty efficient. As regards forwards who offload most are with Connacht, Ulster or Leinster tbf. Furlong has great hands, healy is underrated, Conan has great hands, cronin, ruddock is better than given credit for too but 6s dont usually get as much opportunity to carry, doris and deegan are great at it. It doesn’t have to be every time but there has to be the threat of it, if he could even squeeze one or two in a game it could blow teams wide open.
@Dino Baggio: I think in some blow out pro14 games the forwards can look great at offloading, there isn’t really much at stake. When you get to knockout rugby where it matters when you lose the ball the number of offloads drops to practically zero. In those games the speed of ball at the rucks becomes the big thing. Watch sarries last year, it wasn’t offloads that blew away the Irish sides, it was the excellence of their forwards to produce quick ball and then to continually hammer us with big ball carriers. Of the Irish sides the one that off loads the most and continuously keeps the ball in play has been connacht and once you kick the ball deep to them all you have to do is set the defensive line until they mess up
@Tim Magner: again I’m not criticising Cj and it is as much a support players responsiblity to get there but he’d take his own game to another level if he did find another Irish shirt more often.
@Chris Mc: that’s a good point Chris and I do believe stander has worked on his passing game, but with ball in hand he does like full charge mode. Conan of all the back rows has probably the best passing & offloading skill set of the lot of them. From the bit of seen of Doris he seems to be a hybrid of the other 2 which could make him one hell of a player
Good piece to highlight the issue but it seems like an issue that needs highlighting every day. If you are hoping trolls grow a conscience you may be waiting a while
@Pretty Ladee: Speak for yourself, not others!
Having met CJ a number of times at both away and home games, a finer gracious young man you’ll struggle to find. A warrior who gives it all, usually 80 mins on the pitch. As a player in the public eye, his performances like all players are open to criticism rightly or wrongly. However personal insults of any kind by Joe public, commentators, pundits, backroom staff are totally unacceptable and doubly so when family is targeted. Well said CJ.
Keyboard warriors who played rugby once think they know best. Leave the professionals to it.
Support them during the good times and the bad.
@Pretty Ladee: na, not when it crosses the line, into uer home and family
A player should never be abused for his performance either. Judged certainly, but never abused.They all try their best, so why give them abuse?
If a player isn’t performing then it’s up to the coach to change things. So criticism should be aimed at the coach.
I, like many other fans, would prefer not to have project players representing Ireland, but that’s no reason to have a go at the player who is simply taking advantage of the opportunity.
Well when you have the likes of Neil Francis and Luke Fitzgerald emphasizing the ethnicity and birth-country of some Irish players (and coaches), and bleating about what a disgrace it is that they are allowed to play for their adopted country, then it can be expected that internet trolls will jump into the fray too; many ‘journalists’ in mainstream media have made nasty remarks. They have been directed at Stander and Kleyn, also Aki; fortunately Herring seems to have avoided being made such a target, but for how long…
@Richard James: firstly francis is not a journalist he’s a clown and the sooner the better hes sacked for that newspaper the better. As for Fitzgerald he’s aiming for outrage for clickbait reasons. No one who cares about Irish rugby listens to either of them
@Chris Mc: No argument from me on that assessment Chris.
@Con Cussed: hecklers will always be there
So I see there is 5 games in the six nations and you have a bad game should you get dropped ,hmmm there is not 20 or 30 games to make it up you lose you have to wait till next year to get another crack ,I’d say you need to be on your A game in international rugby ,or maybe I’m away with the fairies
They said he’s NOT well rounded, maybe he misheard.