AVRIL BRIERLEY is only 26, but she jokes that she feels like an “auld one” by comparison to some of the young players coming through right now at Peamount.
The talented attacker may not yet be a veteran by any stretch, but there is a level of maturity and emotional intelligence evident in the way she speaks about life on and off the field.
She has certainly been around the Women’s National League (or Women’s Premier Division as it is now known after a recent rebrand) for a considerable period.
Back in 2014, as a teenager, she was on the bench for an FAI Cup-winning Raheny team that featured future Ireland star Katie McCabe as well as WNL stalwarts like Pearl Slattery, Rebbeca Creagh, Rachel Graham, and Noelle Murray.
That side additionally won league titles and competed in the Champions League, with future Ireland internationals such as Megan Campbell and Clare Shine also among their graduates.
However, despite her early success at Raheny (who would later merge with Shelbourne), Brierley feels that it is only in the last year or two that she has dramatically improved as a player.
She radiates optimism as she looks ahead to a new season with Peamount, for whom she signed back in December, having spent the vast majority of her WNL career so far at DLR Waves.
Yet the outlook was not always so positive. There was a period where she had “fallen out of love” and “kind of packed in” top-level football in Ireland.
She spent roughly two years travelling on and off, working in Canada and Peru, failing in her attempts to gain residency in the former.
She fortuitously returned home to Ireland just before the pandemic started and had a belated desire to settle down, having grown sick of “the stress of living week to week” out of a suitcase and constantly being left “skint”.
Brierley settled on a more stable existence in Ireland and came back to the Women’s National League, however, this reversion to a more traditional lifestyle was not without its complications.
Mentally, she felt herself struggling, and the situation came to a head one day in front of all her DLR Waves teammates and manager Graham Kelly.
“I went up to training one Saturday morning and I just started roaring crying. I was so upset,” she tells The42.
“There wasn’t anything that particularly triggered it, but my body at that moment was just like: ‘Avril, you can’t sustain this level of thinking forever.’ I remember Graham saying to me: ‘Avril, it’s okay, we will get you help, we’ll get you sorted.’”
Brierley says she has never suffered mental health disorders, nor have other family members ever been diagnosed with depression.
Around the time of the pandemic, she had found her thought processes increasingly difficult to control. Part of it, she suggests, was simply down to the type of individual she was.
“It wasn’t until I went to therapy I realised that I was a people pleaser,” she explains.
“It was consuming my life. I had the weight of the world on my shoulders because I felt like I constantly had to make sure you were okay with me, [other people were] okay with me and how I spoke. This stuff ran around in my head constantly.
“And I think maybe it could have been [due to] Covid, I had more time to think about stuff. I just found my head never stopped.”
Brierley began regularly attending cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) sessions and as a consequence, the player feels she is now benefitting tremendously both on and off the pitch.
“It still goes on but it took me going to CBT to recognise why I thought the way that I did, and finding ways to control it.
“And I do firmly believe that if I didn’t have such a people-pleasing, anxious tendency, I would have excelled in football more than I have. Because it’s funny when I think about Covid and me playing behind closed doors, in front of no audience, for me it was the best news ever. It was 100 fewer people’s opinions I had to worry about.
“I spent most of my footballing career thinking: ‘If I make a mistake here, if I misplace that pass, all my teammates are going to think I’m brutal, the opposition are going to laugh at me, management are going to whip me off because they think I’m crap, the people in the stand are laughing at me,’ that’s how my head would work.
“And then I come off and only play 45 minutes and I’m exhausted. I’m like: ‘Why am I so tired?’ I’m fit. I’m doing all the training.’
“I was expending so much energy in my head having to worry about trying to control and manipulate everyone else’s opinion of me, as opposed to just being like: ‘I made a mistake, get over it.’
“Now I know, no one recognises the mistake after five or 10 seconds. But one, it made me not want to get on the ball for fear of making a mistake. And two, if I did get on the ball and make a mistake, I’d go silent in a game for 10 minutes, because I’d be like: ‘Oh my god, that was so embarrassing.’ And my self-talk became really critical.
“Everything I did, it was ‘that needs to be better’. The perfectionist, people-pleasing tendencies that I had were consuming my life.”
Brierley believes there is a widespread misconception that only people with a diagnosed mental health disorder should attend therapy, and encourages people who are unsure to try it.
“I think everyone should go to therapy, I really do. And if you take more time to just sit back by yourself, and not be so consumed in the rat race of life, I think that’s pretty much why I’m so much more settled now. I’m not constantly chasing a high, a validation.
“I’m like: ‘I’m okay with who I am, where I am.’ I don’t feel like I need to be living in Dubai, to be living a good life. I lived in amazing places, but I didn’t feel the level of self-love and compassion that I do now.”
Brierley suggests social media contributed to the problem to a degree.
“I used to find Sundays really hard because I’d wake up maybe a little after nine, I’d look at my phone and someone is up the top of a mountain with a coffee.
“And I’m like: ‘I really should be doing something now. Look at me, I’m lying in bed, such a laze,’ even though I’ve just worked all week, trained four nights a week, been at the gym twice.”
She believes many others in football have similar struggles, though it remains somewhat taboo in the sport for players to speak so openly and in such detail about their insecurities and fears.
“I always try and tell people about it,” she adds. “Because the more people I talk to, they’re like: ‘Oh my God, I feel like that all the time.’
“It affected my intimate relationships, it affected how I functioned at home with family members.
“Your mind is the driver in your life constantly. I was in CBT for about eight months. And it was the best thing I’ve ever done.
“My relationships have improved, my home life has improved, my relationship with myself has improved. One of the causes of that people-pleasing tendency was the level of self-love and self-worth is quite low.
“So I was constantly trying to fill it up by trying to get validation from other people, as opposed to starting from me and saying: ‘Well, no, I’m okay with myself, everyone else can worry about themselves.’
“Obviously, there’s a fine line, you don’t just become an asshole. I’m still obviously really aware of how I am.”
Brierley believes she is an “entirely different footballer” following the treatment and she had an encouraging season last year, scoring eight goals with DLR.
“I want to get on the ball now because I know I’m good enough. I’m playing in the top league in Ireland, this didn’t just accidentally happen.
“And I do often reflect back and ask: ‘If I had known then what I know now, could my career have ended up in a different way?’
“I always felt I just fell short of squads. I played underage, but I was never a starter.
“When I went up to Shelbourne, I never started. With DLR, I always used to fall short. But I do think it was just how I perceived myself in my brain. I had this imposter syndrome. I don’t think people talk about it enough, particularly in sports.
“Even now, constantly up in training, I’m like: ‘I actually don’t know if I’m good enough to be here.’ It’s only after doing the therapy that I can find myself saying it and catch it early, and say: ‘Avril, that’s nonsense, you’re grand.’”
However, Brierley does feel some players are more prone to negative self-talk than others.
One of her best friends is Ireland international Amber Barrett, who she would have grown up with playing underage football, and the pair often discuss this subject matter.
“I’m like: ‘What do you think about in a game?’ And she’d be like: ‘Oh, I think about my position, I think about how I get around the opposition, tactical stuff. What do you think about?’
“And I’m like: ‘I think about what that random woman up in the stands is thinking about me.’”
One key to a healthier outlook, Brierley feels, is to give yourself greater credit for achievements.
“A lot of people when they talk about success, they say: ‘I got really lucky.’ And I’m like: ‘You worked bloody hard for where you are.’ And I know I’m not at the top of women’s football in the world, but I’ve sacrificed so much of my life like every girl in the National League has for no money.
“We’ve missed birthdays, we’ve missed weddings, so much stuff. You just have to give yourself credit sometimes instead of constantly berating yourself for a missed pass.
“I work a nine-to-six shift, we have a girl training with us and she’s on nights this week. And another girl who played last year with us used to come to training while she was on call in Vincent’s with her burner phone.
“We need to just go easy on ourselves sometimes. It’s okay that you missed a two-yard pass, the world isn’t over.
“The big thing in the therapy I did was overriding the self-criticism [and showing] self-compassion, that’s been a really good tool for me, which is something I think a lot of people could utilise by being able to silence that voice in your head that’s saying: ‘You shouldn’t be here. You’re not good enough.’
“Look at everyone else around you, look what they’re all doing, look what you’re not doing. If you can just catch that, recognise it and say: ‘Okay, it’s just a fleeting thought. You’ve no evidence to support that. You’re on the same team. You were picked for a reason.’ And then just approach it without self-compassion and say: ‘Do you know, Av? You’re fine. You’re exactly where you need to be. Take it easy on yourself.’”
Brierley continues: “I worry that a lot of people really struggle with being able to open up and articulate how they feel.
“I always like to ask my therapist questions because I’m interested in their take on stuff. She said the difficult patients are the ones that when you ask them something, just say: ‘I don’t know.’ They just cut you off.
“Everyone has the ability, but they [sometimes] lack the desire to want to look inside.
“So whenever I feel a certain way, your instinct is to think: ‘I don’t know, I’m just wrecked.’ But if there’s something still niggling, there’s usually a deeper meaning to it. I think people sometimes don’t give themselves the space to explore that.”
Need help? Support is available:
- Samaritans 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.ie
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
- Pieta House 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie (suicide, self-harm)
- Teen-Line Ireland 1800 833 634 (for ages 13 to 19)
- Childline 1800 66 66 66 (for under 18s)
Ah there’s too much analysis and finger pointing going on. What we had was a classic EC final. The game was lost by a single point – the kick of a ball. You could also say that Leinster were denied by the crossbar, that’s how close it was, it could have gone either way. Leinster are a great team, just like La Rochelle. ROG knows that it could so very easily have gone Leinster’s way too. And the point that Leinster don’t get enough high pressure matches in the URC, that is negated by the fact that they make up most of the Irish team. I’m sure ROG knows he probably won’t win all these games against Leinster. Leo and Leinster will be back next year hungrier than ever now…and I hope they win it too, unless they are playing us in the final…from a Munster fan :)
@Rob O’Connor: you have summed it up so well sir , now of you go and win in South Africa.
@Rob O’Connor: I wish I could like this post twice. On the money. Some of the commentary on here is way too dramatic.
@Rob O’Connor: except LaRochelle do keep winning against us in Europe, it’s frustrating. Leinster are starting to look a bit like Clermont, I don’t know how we’ll faire next year with the new coach coming in, there could be a stuttering transistion period or a delightful bounce. Hopefully we can stay in the semi-final/final standard and if we keep getting to finals…. Hopefully.
Funny thing was last year they were too conservative and kept kicking penalties, this year when they had that penalty and a chance at the drop goal they didn’t take it. I don’t think La Rochelle are that far ahead of Leinster, just more clever in their decision making.
I think Byrne hid in the second half, whether it by not going for the penalty, going for the corner (not just inside the 22) and not going for what wd have been, outside the pressure of the match, an east drop goal.
Quinlan made some good points this morning that the penalty was almost a free shot, as Leinster wd have gotten the ball back anyway. To not take it on and put VDF, who didn’t shirk, in the position of throwing into a line out again, isn’t great, no matter what way you look at it.
It’s not to scapegoat him, it’s far from the only reason Leinster lost (poor exits and stopping playing / passing), but it’s very worrying. I don’t think for example Crowley is a great player, but he has balls and steps up to the occasion the bigger it is.
Would you want Ross Byrne in a WC QF ?
@Andrew Hurley: Nope. Crowley every day
@Andrew Hurley: Again an example of how fickle fans are, not so long ago Ross was being praised for having huge balls and ice in his veins for coming on cold and kicking the difficult winning penalty against Australia. Last time I checked it wasn’t Byrne’s call on whether to go for the penalty or corner, it’s the captain’s. I just find it so strange all the focus is on him and not the player who gave the ball away on the 1m line when we were threatening to score the match winning try.
@Andrew Hurley: it’s about leaders and decision makers on the pitch. Leinster lacked that on Saturday or at the very least what leadership they had in the first half evaporated for the second. Ross Byrne is a number 2 kicker who has been wrapped in cotton wool for the past few months and not had enough game time. Any team arrogant enough to assume that you can change 12 of the starting line up from a semi final one week to a final the next week needs their heads checked.
@PJ Smith: Very well said. Sport has gone completely cut throat these days. A hero in November becomes a villain in May. Disgusted by the comments left by some ‘fans’ on the Leinster Instagram post defeat. While I agree, a shot at goal even from that range was a free chance and likely would’ve returned possession, its captains decision as you say. They went for the corner and a fatigued clear out cost them. Small margins. I personally feel very proud of my province, and having met them last year in the Bridge Bar after their defeat of Connacht, they’re all gentlemen. Down to earth, honest, and do their best every time. I’d rather that than any silverware. The chance will come again.
@PJ Smith: a November international is nowhere close to the pressure of 3 minutes from the end of a Heineken cup final. And if Byrne can be praised for that, can he not be criticized, in a reasonable way, for this ? Ringrose couldn’t ask him to take the kick – either Byrne wants it or Ringrose is obliged to go down the line. The fact he didn’t offer himself up for a drop goal is very, very hard to understand….
@Tom: what about a team that rests 14 of their 15 the week before a final? Are u having LR examined too or is it different for the winners
@Andrew Hurley: That’s the point, it’s one extreme or the other with people these days. You’re a hero or a villain, nothing in-between and there is certainly no accounting for the fact these players are humans, not robots that can hit the same peaks over and over. Were you involved in the discussion as to what to do at that moment? Because I wasn’t but Byrne has demonstrated he’s willing to have a go at high pressure kicks. It’s the captain’s call one way or the other, James Ryan was hung for it in the past and he sure don’t take the kicks. And you’re underestimating the pressure of the Australia kick, it wouldn’t be unfair to say his international career was on the line and that moment sparked an incredible comeback for him. We were camped in their line about to score, that’s why.
@Ultán Corcoran: Agreed, criticism is fine. We’re all subject to it but the way people are going after the likes of Ross Byrne when there are far more obvious issues to point at astounds me. There’s been a continual presence of people that want to tear him down for some unknown reason. But the reality is Leinster lost as a team and while it hurts, I’m also proud of them for putting their bodies on the line for what is ultimately a game to entertain us. This will hurt them far more than any of us and no comments on message boards or comment sections will make them see any clearernwhat they already know. So as far as I’m concerned it’s about supporting them to get back up and do it again.
@Ultán Corcoran: Agreed, criticism is fine. We’re all subject to it but the way people are going after the likes of Ross Byrne when there are far more obvious issues to point at astounds me. There’s been a continual presence of people that want to tear him down for some unknown reason. But the reality is Leinster lost as a team and while it hurts, I’m also proud of them for putting their bodies on the line for what is ultimately a game to entertain us. This will hurt them far more than any of us and no comments on message boards or comment sections will make them see any clearer what they already know. So as far as I’m concerned it’s about supporting them to get back up and do it again.
@PJ Smith: to be fair, I tried to be constructive in my criticism of Byrne – which should be allowed. Leinster had chances to win, even if they were far from the only reasons for the loss, but these weren’t even attempted, which is really frustrating and can’t just be glossed over.
@Andrew Hurley: It’s a bit myopic though. Byrne didn’t cost us the game and yet people are calling him out based on a decision that wasn’t his and ignoring all the other factors of the game that had far more of an impact. Drop goals are like hail Mary’s in rugby, they go wrong far more often than they go right yet with the benefit of hindsight people act like it was a no brainer guarantee while conveniently ignoring where we were when the stupid incident that lost us the ball occured.
@PJ Smith: have you not read each of my posts where I says it was not the main factor ?
The fact is he had two opportunities and didn’t step up. You’re right about drop goals on general but this wd have been more or less dead centre, 15-20m out, and putting the pressure aside, they don’t get easier. The chances of getting it were 60-70%+, much higher than a try.
The main issue is not even the exit kicks, nor Byrne, but Leinster stopped playing. The reason for that I don’t know, but I do know from what we saw their ten had a chance to rescue it but unlike Crowley didn’t step up. I’m not a Munster fan, far from it, but I like 10s who get better the more intense the pressure.
@PJ Smith: he didn’t claim the kick, no captian would ask a kicker to take a penalty if he didn’t say he wanted it. Drop goals are not hail Marys, they are a skill that most out halfs are expected to be reasonable good at. You just have to have the guts to take it on. Byrne at no stage in the second half took responsibility and demanded the ball. A leader and playmaker needs to stand up and be counted. Not for the first time he didn’t
@chris mcdonnell: Ah lad, you’re inventing parts of the story to suit your narrative. Were you in the discussion? Do you know who said what? Because otherwise you’re just speculating that he didn’t say he could kick it but the call was strategically made differently. Drop goals fail more than they succeed regardless of guts, stop acting like it wouldn’t have been a risky decision and again you’re ignoring the rest of the context that we had a real high probability of scoring until something stupid happened that Byrne had nothing to do with.
@Andrew Hurley: Fair enough I’m generalising too much and responding to the more general criticism going around. That said, you still seem to ignore where we were when big Mike went momentarily mental. Camped on their line and, based on history, a high probability to score. Hindsight makes it easy but at that time we were in a fantastic position we regularly score from and Ross was not the one to make that tackle. That’s being glossed over because we know how it played out. One opportunity was not his decision as he’s not captain and people saying otherwise are speculating to suit their view. Drop goals are never easy, that’s why they don’t work so often and are very rare, it’s high risk stuff. We’ve seen enough Irish 10s crucified for missing them in the heat of the moment.
@Andrew Hurley: maybe Leinster should have made better use of RB for exits, given how badly JL and JGP kicked in the second half, but that was the game plan. the pack couldn’t get the ball back for RB to do anything until the last few mins.
The pen was hard, and into a breeze. If missed , they’d get the ball back on the halfway, maybe with a back row throwing to a lineout, good chance of losing the ball there or turning it over in their own half. if any of that happened after going for the corner, it was in the LR 22.
The drop goal, they looked like they might get a try/pen, so they went for it. If they were back a bit, they probably would have worked for a drop. I missed the last 5 mins of Munster last week, but maybe they knew they hadn’t a hope of a try so set up for the drop.
@Daniel Lehane: penalty by my calculation is about 52m from the posts and I’ve never seen Byrne really kick anything over 45m. He’s a good kicker but he doesn’t have a big boot on him which if it was slightly into the wind makes not going for the kick a very obvious decision. What’s the point in it when it would almost definitely just land short and La Rochelle would then bang the ball about 60m down the pitch again? Regarding the drop goal I think he should’ve taken it but again you can’t tell what’s going on within the game. Maybe Leinster thought they could close out the game with a try or maybe it was just poor game management
@PJ Smith: sorry but if he told ringrose I have this there’s no way he was told no we are going to the corner because our 7 forwards without a hooker is a much better option than taking the kick. Even his kick to touch only hit the 22.
Guys, the game is over the result is in. The rugby was good and the better team on the day won. Let’s look forward to next week’s rugby instead. Provide some analysis on how Munster can beat Stormers in SA!
Shoulda ,coulda , woulda ….
I suspect Byrne didn’t kick the difficult penalty for 2 reasons: 1 because it was a tough kick, all be it I’d have backed him to kick it but 2nd more important reason he didn’t was because of the time left on the clock- Leinster were out on their feet and even if Byrne landed the kick to take the lead, there 4+ mins left for LAR to hit back. Going down the line and going for quick try score with conversion to come or winning a penalty near posts would have guaranteed the win! That’s the logic I think of the decision . Not going for the drop goal when repelled after several phases and winding the clock down a bit did seem odd though
ROG won Munster fans their first trophy in 15 years on Saturday. I doubt this weekend even matters to them
@Dave Moran: Give it a rest!
@Dave Moran: By your above reasoning. Should you not have said he got us our second trophy in 2 years??? Gob#####
@Dave Moran: have you ever heard the saying ” better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt “
@Dave Moran: Really scraping the bottom of the barrel with the insults now Dave, and let’s be honest it was a very small barrel to start with.
Just like your team I think you need the rest of the summer off to figure out where it all went wrong.
@Stanley Marsh: Munster have had 15 years and still not figured anything out so could always be worse!
@Dave Moran: seriously?
@Dave Moran: did rog not do the same last year.
@Dave Moran: Cheap thrills and a chest full of regrets….
@Dave Moran: I see Munster are still living rent-free in your head Dave.
@Dave Moran: no last year as well up rochelle
Non ho potuto scrivere prima per impegni di lavoro. Voglio dire grazie a tutti i ragazzi!! Sempre e comunque forza leinster una squadra fantastica e una filosofia di vita che ho conosciuto nel 2010 e che mi accompagna.
Un abbraccio e un saluto a sexton il più grande di sempre.
Avanti sempre e comunque leinster.
Un saluto da luca , Perugia, Italia
@Luca Benci: Grazie… I think
Everybody will have their own spin on Ross but I believe the two main reasons why we lost were the early injury to Ryan and Furlong coming into the game not fully fit. If Leinster or indeed Ireland wish to succeed then these two world class players must be on the field for most of the matches. Ryan’s in particular was a devastating injury as it removed the enforcer from our pack. Him going off lifted the LRC pack in the same way Skelton going off would lift ours.
It was sad to see Alaalatola walk up to collect his medal holding the hand of his young child. It was a red card. It was all the more frustrating because Leinster typically score when they get within 5 metres of the line. They made their decisions and backed themselves, evidenced in each of the 3 tries scored within the first 12 mins. Decision making as regards a kick to touch or going for goal is different to on field decisions by individual players that you cannot control. All actions have consequences, some more than others. I doubt Alataaloa had bad intentions, but it effected the outcome just like every decision EVERY player made on the day on both sides. If Byrne Byrne believed he could kick it over then he needs to say it. If s’one else decides then it’s not his fault.
@David Gaffney: I’m a Munster fan. It seems provincial allegianve requires qualification of all comments on rugby articles these days for some reason. I would prefer that isn’t the case, but here’s hoping that at some stage it doesn’t need to be said and people hopefully realise that objective commentary should prevail without attempts to smugly “score points” purely based on “not enough points being scored” by their rival team, resulting in a loss. Grow up.
@David Gaffney: he was entitled to collect his medal as bad as his red card was. Doesn’t seem that type of player. Hopefully he never hits anyone like that again.
@chris mcdonnell: I absolutely agree with you. I wasn’t saying that he shouldn’t be able to. I felt sorry for him as he did so. That one action should not and hopefully will not be something that defines him and he shouldn’t ever be attributed with the reason for Leinster not winning. Multiple actions by both sides, good and bad, decided the outcome and not any one particular moment or action. Just like Byrne should be singled out, nobody else should be either.
@Paul Power classic
It’s quite simple in my opinion. Byrne should have dropped back and demanded the ball or JGP should have told him to do so. Either lack of balls or lack of Rugby intelligence.
I wouldn’t back Ross to do a decent hand shake. Coward.
@JamRag: he had the integrity to go out and give it his best, but sport can be tough. He seems like a decent individual unlike you, a real keyboard coward.
@JamRag: I guess you must be some officianado when it comes to the decency or otherwise of hand shakes! That comment is just ridiculous, but at least you signed it off with your name, “Coward”.