£5MILLON REALLY ISN’T that much in football transfer terms, is it? So why are Barcelona refusing to put all of us out of our misery and pay the extra money required to sign Fabregas.

The Spanish team are offering £35m, while Arsenal are demanding £40m. If only they hadn’t let him leave in the first place, then this whole mess could have been avoided.

Meanwhile, Liverpool have expressed an interest in Lee Cattermole. Just take a few seconds to absorb that sentence… Apparently, Dalglish caught him playing on one of the few occasions when he wasn’t suspended last season.

Liverpool’s Director of Football, Daniel Comolli, is clearly earning his money as he continues to spot hidden gems following the signings of Stewart Downing and Jordan Henderson amongst others.

Liverpool fans, however, will breathe a sigh of relief at Bruce’s claims that they have had no contact with the club whatsoever over any deal with Cattermole.

Speaking of woefully ill-judged signings Liverpool will want to forget about, Harry Kewell might be going to Fulham. Remember? That player who was genuinely brilliant for one season and perpetually disappointing thereafter. Sort of like the winger equivalent of Michael Ricketts then. Or Rohan Ricketts for that matter.

Fed up with pursuing messrs Modric, Sneijder and Nasri, Alex Ferguson will target 21-year-old Santos midfielder Paulo Henrique Ganso, who is valued at £25m and is looking to follow in the footsteps of Kleberson, the first-ever Brazilian midfielder to sign for the club.

Ganso will not want to mimic Kleberson’s playing style however, which involved doing absolutely nothing of note for large sections of matches.

Harry Redknapp will ‘av a word’ with notorious troublemaker Emmanuel Adebayor before signing him on a one-year loan deal. And you thought he couldn’t upset Arsenal fans anymore after this.

Finally, Chelsea are trying to sign Gore Vidal for some reason. Oh sorry, it’s Arturo Vidal.