16 of Joe Kinnear's most priceless/craziest ever quotes*

*Warning: Contains very strong language.

1. On the players available to him at Newcastle

“I think they’ve got some magnificent midfield players: Tiote. Ben Afri [Hatem Ben Arfa], Yohan Kebab [Yohan Cabaye], Sissoko are very solid.”

2. On his predecessor

“Derek Llambezee [sic] was the director of football. Derek has resigned now.”

3. On the Newcastle fans who opposed his appointment

“I don’t know what angle they’ve got. If they want to sit down and argue with me, some of them are talking out their backsides, a load of tosh and I’m not accepting it. It’s as simple as that. I’ve certainly got more intelligence than them, that’s for sure.

“So they say I haven’t had any experience in buying and selling players – sure I have. I bought Dean Holdsworth for 50 grand [actual figure: £650,000].”

4. On his transfer record at Wimbledon

“I sold Marcus Gayle, Leonhardsen, Micky Harford, John Hartson, Hans Segers, most of them were free transfers [at least 4/5 of these players weren't free transfers].”

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5. On journalists’ allegations that players didn’t turn up for his first training session

“You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you’re saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.”

6. When asked why Newcastle players got a day off on his first day in the job

“It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain’t got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion? Do I have to listen to you?”

7. When asked if his remarks at that infamous press conference were on the record

“Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it’ll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.”

8. On whether he was enjoying his time at Newcastle

“Absolutely. I’ve loved every moment of it.”

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9. Trolling Plymouth fans after a Newcastle game with Stevenage

“I played some of the more senior players because it was a local game and important to the supporters. If it had been Plymouth, I’d have probably played the entire youth team.”

10. His response to Andy Reid’s perceived lack of commitment at Nottingham Forset

“[He can] go and play for the reserves.”

11. On Joey Barton during Kinnear’s time as manager of Newcastle

“I think he’s learned his lesson. I know it’s been said before, but I think the penny has finally dropped.”

12. On living up to the reputation of past Nottingham Forest managers

“It’s a pain in the arse but you have to live with it. You can’t break wind without names like [Brian] Clough and [former player turned local media pundit Garry] Birtles being mentioned.”

13. On the way his teams are judged

“People criticise me, say I’m a route-one manager, but it’s always the same – if Robert Pires threads a 20- or 30-yard ball inside the full-back for Thierry Henry to run on to and score it’s a brilliant pass but, when my teams do it, it’s a boot down the middle.”

14. On the players he lost at Wimbledon

“I know if they were [still] there, we’d be knocking on the door of the Premier League championship.”

15. On his limited spending power when in charge at Wimbledon

“That’s the story of my managerial life. Buy in Woolworth’s, sell in Harrods.”

16. On his struggles to compete with the top teams

“It’s like going into a nuclear war with bows and arrows.”

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