HERE’S YOUR DAILY dose of transfer gossip as the madness of the summer transfer window begins and who better to guide us through the latest talks, hoodwinks and handshakes than ‘Arry himself.

Just don’t use the words wheelin’ or dealin’, alright?

VVD: Celtic’s Dutch defenfer Virgil Van Dijk is agitating for more money. Not in the simple longer, more lucrative contract way, but in the Premier League. The Daily Record report Van Dijk as saying’ [Celtic] must understand that as a footballer, sometimes it’s time  to make a move.”

Adios, Adel: Hot off the Daily Mail’s press is a confident projection that Adel Taarabt will join Benfica this week after being released by QPR.

I like Iker: Before Real Madrid can finish putting the zeroes on their £22million offer for David De Gea, their long-term number one needs a club. That club, looks most likely to be Arsenal because, well, they always need more goalkeepers and probably won’t be able to land Petr Cech instead.

Marko…not Porto: Who knows what’s going on at Liverpool. It doesn’t seem plausible that they’d let Lazar Markovic go back to Benfica on a season long loan after showing some glimpses of decency this season, but stranger things have happened at Fenway Park.

Mc the knife: Meanwhile, on the blue half of the city, the Mirror have pulled absolutely no punches whatsoever in their ‘James McCarthy wants out’ story today.

Look at him there, dreaming of White Hart Lane. Cathal Noonan / INPHO Cathal Noonan / INPHO / INPHO

‘Unsettled’,  ’get-out clause’, ‘Tottenham on red alert’ and ‘Tom Cleverley earns more than him’ are the key phrases we should all remember from this story, so watch and wait for the 24-year-old Irish international to head for London… or sign a new contract next month, either’s good.

Another Falcao swoop? Apparently Jose Mourinho can’t deal with the Didier Drogba shaped hole in the wage bill and he wants to fill it (like, really wedge heaps of cash in there) by recruiting Radamel Falcao.

No, we don’t quite believe it either, but Goal.com report that the Special One says he can get the best out of the Colombian. What he actually said South America’s DirectTV was more along the lines of ‘I’d love to help, sure. If I can…’

If in doubt, Benzema: You want more crazy ‘maybe’ striker deals? Well, about seven years after Manchester United first tried to sign Karim Benzema the Star think the move is now (drumroll please) ON!

They feel that the arrival of De Gea to the Spanish capital will somehow force the French striker to up sticks. Oh, also because United ‘DEMAND’ the Frenchman as part of a swap deal.

Still got it! Henrik Larsson, 43, brings himself off the bench for Helsingborg – and scores

Celtic cousins: 5 previous meetings between Ireland and Scotland