WE’VE PLAYED 30 seconds. I’m already glancing at the bench.
Merely keeping up with your opposition isn’t enough I’d remembered. You also have to grab that pink ribbon hanging off their shorts. It was going to be a long day.
It started with weak coffee and sausage rolls on the steps outside our old school canteen. When you hit that mid-20s mark and everyone starts getting scattered around the country – and for some the globe – reunions with the crew are few and far between.
We weren’t the only ones who thought of this. All around I was spotting faces from home, back for the weekend or back for the summer and one or two even back for good.
For plenty of tourists, the Pig ‘n’ Porter weekend in Limerick is a weekend jolly, but for even more it’s a reunion.
So there we were, straggling along in our twos and threes to the meeting point, each of us bringing a couple of new friends along for the spin.
The main competition of the festival was around the corner at Old Crescent Rugby Club, but we were based in Crescent College with the other social stragglers, a motley crew of ultra-competitive, ultra-organised teams showing up for the tag rugby, and others who are thinking more about the pig and the porter in the clubhouse later on.
Us? Well, we were somewhere in between.
Six of us had been knocking around in this school down the years, and nagged a few other friends and housemates to fill out the numbers.
What came together was a broad talent pool. We had two players with AIL experience (don’t worry, I’m not one of them), extending across to a Belgian girl who could count on one hand the number of times she held a rugby ball.
The first game kicked off at 11am, but as we approached 10:45, we were still waiting on our quota. I’d been crystal clear about the drink ban earlier in the week. At least I thought I did.
It’s hardly a surprise then, that within 30 seconds of kickoff we were behind. It wasn’t my finest hour.
I thought I’d box him in. I’d show him the sideline. The problem was that he just ran down it, and in for a try.
“What’s left, ref?”
“There’s no half time, it’s 15 minute games. So about 14-and-a-half minutes.”
We probably should have checked the rules.
Still, the longer it went on, the more we got the hang of it. We were even winning 4-3 at one point, a three-point girl try sent us into the lead.
Much like Westmeath on Sunday though, we switched off for 30 seconds and it was curtains. Two girl tries in the space of a minute, and we were handsomely beaten.
The next match was worse, as we came up against one of those ultra-organised teams who have the beating of you before the toss of the coin.
They even had customised jerseys, and small marquee to keep the subs dry. We had Penneys t-shirts, and some bananas.
But after that second defeat, things changed. We were joined by our good friend Bríd, this year’s Scottish Rose (20/1, back her now, thank me later), and a break in games allowed us to lay down a plan.
And you know what? It worked! We talked more in defence, we rotated the subs more, and we suddenly looked like a team. We won two games in a row. We made it to the knockout round.
The bit of momentum had us flying, but the gap between the pool stage and our last 16 match floored us. We ate chips and we sat on the grass and by the time the next match arrived we were back where we started, a try down inside a minute.
Again though, we plugged away, and despite playing dreadfully we were level at 2-2.
It wasn’t to be though. An ill-timed goose step and hospital pass from yours truly had us on the back foot, and a 3-2 defeat signaled the end of the Pig ‘N’ Porter for the team whose name I will not repeat as it’s a little bit NSFW. Sure what’s a tag rugby tournament without a banter-laden team name?
We may have been finished playing, but there was plenty still to do. The convoy took the short trip back home through Dooradoyle for the first team AGM and disciplinary hearing, where those that broke the drinking ban were ironically punished.
The Pig ‘n’ Porter festival is more than just tag rugby though, and the party that evening down in the clubhouse was special.
I spoke to the volunteers on duty at the carparks who had been directing traffic since eight that morning, making everything run along like clock-work until the thousands spilled out the club grounds with daylight ready to peak it’s way through the clouds.
A day to beat all days. We were goosed. We’ll be back.
As a Leinster fan, Cooney is better then both of them
Anyone who watched McGrath in the two games this season will see he’s auditioning for joe. Slowing down the game and taking little or no chances. Oh and the constant box kicks.
In form it’s Cooney, Marmion and then McGrath but joe likes Marmion so maybe swap the first two.
@Chris Mc: He came on with 20 to play against Scarles and sped the attack up…as all sub scrum halves do
I find Cooney a lot more dynamic than McGrath and Marmion, I’d love to see him paired with Carbery this Autumn against the USA.
@Philip Farrell: USA is just a run out. I’d much rather see Cooney (or whoever) starting the Argentina game. That’s the caliber of team we can expect to cause us problems/knock us out of the RWC. Keep the front liners for NZ and possibly Italy in Chicago (there might be contractual demands by sponsors to start the best players there).
@grandslamkbo: I wouldn’t be dragging Conor to Chicago, you’re right with the powers that be wanting a certain amount of “Star” players but I still would imagine the IRFU and Joe have the final say on who goes and doesn’t go. I can see the team that go to Italy being a mix of regulars with lads on the fringes especially in the positions that we still need to develop depth in. Argentina are playing some exquisite rugby and I feel we need to play our first team against them. If we put them to the sword with our first team it would give everyone a lot of confidence. I feel if we made too many changes with the way they’re playing now they would beat us. Most important thing for me against Argentina and the all blacks is getting the W.
@Ian Verdon: I wouldn’t bring him either. It is a glorified exhibition game. But it is part of a big weekend giving rugby some exposure. Hands could be tied. I’d be shocked if the front liners aren’t there as per some agreement.
Cooney is riding on the crest of a wave at the minute. Can’t see him not start in a couple of the November games.
Great to have 4 class scrum halfs in each of the four proud provinces of Ireland..
I think Cooney and Marmion will feature in the big games in November if Murray is injured. Unsure who would start and who would bench though. McGrath should expect a run out in the USA game.
@Martin Quinn: It wasn’t just his kicking that got him coverage. His general play was fantastic and he was rightly named in the Pro14 team of the year. His goal kicking is rightly lauded but in terms of general play for his club he performed the best of the three players you listed last year.
Damn straight he knows he hasn’t secured the back up spot. He’s laying in 4th place on current form. A long season ahead for him to try and find some form tho. We know Joe loves him for his makeshift wing stint vs the Aussies but we need to see him shine like he did a few years back.
@Patrick Doherty: Current form doesn’t always count for much with Schmidt. We know there are certain players he trusts over others, regardless of form. Until the squad is announced, we won’t know for sure if he’s been pushed down the order. In Schmidt’s eyes, I believe, the ranking remains Marmion with McGrath or Cooney behind.
@grandslamkbo: i’d agree with you if Murray was fit but we have had similar scenarios before at OH. When Sexton, Madigan and Jackson were in the squad, Schmidt made it clear that if Sexton was fit, he started at 10 with Madigan on the bench. But if Sexton was injured, Jackson was next in line at 10 and Madigan stayed on the bench. We’ve also seen similar scenarios at Hooker. Marmion may well be the first choice reserve through versatility but that doesn’t mean natural migration to the 9 jersey. It will be interesting to see what happens.
@Andrew Adams: Right. But we haven’t been told Murray if fit or absent yet. The point I was trying to make was nothing has happened in the last few months that would lead me to believe Marmion has been demoted because form doesn’t always come into consideration. We’ll know more when Murray’s return date is announced. Until then, I still believe Marmion is back up. I would have Cooney next in Schmidt’s eyes.
@Andrew Adams: Yeah I think you’re spot on with that assessment. Schmidt has always liked a change of pace 9 off the bench. With Leinster it was Boss and Reddan, then Murray and Reddan for Ireland and now Marmion. If Murray was out and he needed a starter I could see him going with Cooney or McGrath but I can see Marmion holding his spot on the bench.
@Patrick Doherty: current form? The season just started and he’s only back in the team as a result of the player welfare.
@Anthony Davoren: Exactly. I love how people say ‘on current form’, when Marmion hasn’t even played forty minutes of rugby this season. Judging on his form at the end of last season, he was pretty good – he should have had a try to his name against Australia except for the TMO for some reason disallowing it, and in the last two games of the pro14 last season he was on the score-sheet as well and really dictated the game. And anyone who was following Connacht prior to last year would have known that Cooney was an excellent scrumhalf even prior to heading to Ulster, so it’s not like he has suddenly found form…what he has found is regular game time to display it. He didn’t start for Connacht because a) many injuries and b) Marmion was (and I would argue still is) considered better than him. Cooney was got his first cap before he even played for Ulster, lest we forget.
McGrath is the best box-kicker of the three, and we know that Schmidt’s gameplan revolves around contestables, and he is also a good leader for Leinster, and could be for Ireland. But I would argue his passing isn’t the best (many passes seem to go to ground or behind players from what I’ve seen), and that what makes him look better is that he has either Sexton/Byrne and up to last season Carberry outside him, the top three outhalf options in Ireland. From my recollection, Marmion has only played one game with Sexton him outside him, that being the victory over England last year, which I actually think was one of the best Irish performances we have seen (he also played the latter part of the defeat to Wales where Murray played injured for a while). Would love to see him get another run out with the best outhalf in Ireland, with Cooney also getting plenty of time off the bench to keep the pace up.
@Joe Vlogs: Spot on Joe.
@Joe Vlogs: couldn’t agree more, particularly on the Cooney point – in his final season at Connacht he played more than Marmion due to the latter’s involvement with Ireland, so he was very much a well known quantity to any Irish fan who follows more than their own province before he went to Ulster.
To my mind Marmion and Cooney are ahead of McGrath currently due to their versatility, but as was pointed out elsewhere with Murray potentially out I don’t think that order will necessarily be maintained – hopefully we will see time for all three in November.