Hello 2013, this is a message from the past.

We’re about 30 minutes away from kick off in Cagliari (disclaimer: we may not have actually travelled in time or by Ryanair to Italy) in what will be Ireland’s first outing at the World Cup finals. ‘Citing. Jack Charlton’s side have been drawn in a tough group with the English, European champions Holland and unknown quantities Egypt. We’ll never get out of that one right?

So this is the scene in Toner’s on Baggot Street at the moment:

Pic: Inpho

And that’s just for Billo and the lads.

Good tunes on the tannoy before kick-off:

YouTube: RhinoUK

YouTube: BigNoel12345

That video may contain spoilers. Somehow.

10 minutes to kick off. Just enough time for a battered burger, Ireland.

And let’s have those predictions.

Okay, are we all seated? Let us know where you’re watching (in 1990). Also, when are we ever going to have a lady president?

2 mins: And we’re off! And for some really grim reason we have to watch it on Eurosport rather than RTÉ. I’m sure it’s all very civilised in Montrose though.

Let’s have the teams shall we?

Ireland<: Packie Bonner, Chris Morris, Steve Staunton, Mick McCarthy, Kevin Moran, Paul McGrath, Ray Houghton, Andy Townsend, John Aldridge, Tony Cascarino, Kevin Sheedy.

England: Peter Shilton, Gary Stevens, Stuart Pearce, Des Walker, Terry Butcher, Bryan Robson, Chris Waddle, Paul Gascoigne, Peter Barnes, Gary Lineker, Peter Beardsley.

Four minutes: Not long in and Ireland have already hinted at what their approach will be. Mick McCarthy’s first throw in was launched right in on top of Peter Shilton with Aston Villa target man Tony Cascarino lurking. The English seem a little nervy with Chris Waddle already wasting possession it has to be said. Paul McGrath seems to be picking up the young Paul Gascoigne, which could be a good battle.

Whoever had five minutes for the first reference to Kevin Sheedy’s ‘educated’ left foot, collect your prize at the side of the stage. The Everton winger just had his first range finder on the English goal but he never really got a hold of it. Gazza moments later latched onto a free-kick but headed just wide.

GOAL! England 1 Ireland 0 Lineker 8′ Heart-breaker. The Irish defence go to sleep when they think the ball’s gone out for a throw-in. Waddle bends it in from the sideline and the Spurs forward gets in between Chris Morris and Mick McCarthy to bundle it in. What a sickener.

And then this lad Clio (?) slides across the screen and makes a little squeel. I don’t remember that.

How are things in Toner’s now?

Pic: Inpho

Looks serious craic.

Back in Italy, Bryan Robson is up and down that pitch like no one’s business while Gazza, we’re told by the British broadcasters, has lost ‘two stones in weight over the past year’ because he cut out the chocolate and the pints of that ‘funny stuff’. Those Curly Wurlys will be his undoing, mark my words.

This game is muck. If this was an introduction to football for an Irish generation, no wonder I just spent an hour at five a side rooting the ball halfway up the pitch.

But we live in hope. England aren’t doing much either.

Peter Shilton equals Pet Jennings’ record of most international appearances tonight and he is earning his most recent and 119th cap. The island of Sardinia seems to be at the centre of a gathering storm as both teams battle a really strong wind meanwhile. It looks like Ireland are going to head in at half-time a goal down. But hey! At least we’re not Scotland — they were beaten by Costa Rica earlier today.

Half-time: Well holy God. That was tough going. Jack Charlton will earn whatever the Merrion Square chiefs are paying him in the next 10 minutes. Ireland’s Plan A isn’t working in tough conditions and they don’t seem to have a Plan B. England haven’t set the world alight either, only taking the lead because of the Irish defence switching off. Paul Gascoigne has impressed on his World Cup bow though.

What do you think? Can the Irish nick something?

50 mins: I once spent a night on a train with a station-full of English fans at the World Cup in Germany, singing repeatedly: we’re on the train, we’re on the train, we’re on the train, we’re on the train, we’re on the train. Top, tune tune.

Back at Italia ’90, they’re taunting the Irish with a ’1-0, 1-0, 1-0′ chant now in Cagliari. On the pitch Tony Cascarino very nearly punished a slack square ball across his own box but Shilton was equal to it.

TONY CASCARINO FACTFILE TIME!

Paul McGrath just had a strong shot on goal but it fizzed over Shilton’s bar. Moments later Chris Waddle slalommed into the box after cutting inside and seemed to be tripped but penalty shouts are waved away by the West German referee. The game’s opening up now and, as I type, Maurice Setters is giving last-minute instructions for Alan McLoughlin who’s about to be introduced.

Coronation Street will follow this broadcast.

65 minutes: Swindon Town’s Alan McLoughlin trots on for John Aldridge after 64 minutes. Did I mention this game is poor?

We’ve just had the Gary Lineker toileting-himself incident.  Not pleasant even through the remove of two decades.

GOAL! England 1 Ireland 1 Kevin Sheedy has scored Ireland’s first ever goal at a World Cup! The travelling Irish fans are going thermo-nuclear in the stands thanks to the Everton man’s 71st-minute strike out of the blue. Sheedy looked like he’d lost possession to Steve McMahon but it broke to him again despite the Liverpool midfielder’s efforts and he arrowed it past Shilton.

How are we feeling out there now Ireland?

Pic: Inpho

KABLAMO!

Steve Bull is on for Gary Lineker by the way.

Two minutes to go. The little, state-of-the-art information graphic just flashed up to tell us this will be the first draw of the tournament. Well stick with us, Italia ’90, if you’re looking for more of the same.

Full-time: Ireland 1 England 1 Peep peep! The West German ref blows his whistle and the nation can celebrate  a World Cup point. It wasn’t pretty — God, it wasn’t pretty- but Jack Charlton’s band of brothers are off the mark in their pool and will turn their attentions to the Egypt game with new confidence. That should be more entertaining right?

Thanks for your company and memories tonight. Join us tomorrow night when we’ll be back in 2012 — DeLorean permitting — for Ireland’s visit to Wembley. Ciao.